Hello everyone I just need some advice. How do you handle a comment by your spouse “I wish things were back to normal”. I feel this was towards me because everything is just weird with my sobriety. I honestly haven’t asked because not in the mood for another argument. I am still afraid to go to a lot of places. I have 19 1/2 months and I really miss the way we were always out at restaurants eating and drinking. My cravings are really scary. I know this is what I need to do not to die but the nice weather just really is making it very hard. Plus I know he doesn’t get it. Thank you. Very down.
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Thank you I just honestly don’t feel ready. I noticed that my mind and eyes go to all the alcohol around me. I am miserable
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Plus he would drink
That’s a tough one. Your sobriety needs to come first of course but it seems he needs to realize that it’s never going to be like before. I would recommend some counseling on that. I think that’s a conversation that a good therapist could help make happen.
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I’m going to be very blunt here and I apologize in advance. It sounds to me like your spouse isn’t being supportive. Sobriety is beneficial to you and that should be enough for him to have your back if he cares about your well-being. Comments like the one he made are completely out of line and honestly very selfish. You need to have a serious talk with him and make sure he is on the same page. Drinking at restaurants isn’t what keeps two people together. Being there for each other unconditionally and wanting the best for each other is what keeps people bonded. There’s an entire world out there for you two to explore. Restaurants and bars make up a very very small fraction of it. I hope you can tell him how you feel, and hopefully he is more supportive after talking things over.
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I have to agree with Joe on this. Sobriety is tough enough, your spouse not supporting it makes it worse. I feel for you on the cravings, but you have to believe in your own strength to say no. And your husband should know his boundaries with you. Comments like his are mean and out of line. Hiding and not experiencing life is not living. Tonight I went to a bday party at a speakeasy. I ordered cranberry juice, NA ginger beer and a splash of bitters. It was delish! It calmed the cravings, and let me feel like I was a part of the party. I understand if you don’t want to tempt fate, but alcohol is always going to be around. Like being allergic to bee stings, you can not hide away from the outdoors because bees are there and something bad may happen.
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Thank you. Fact to everyone’s comment. He doesn’t get it even after meeting with my counselor twice. I know I can’t drink but I know I can’t live like this. I am so upset and miserable that I too wish things were “normal”. It never will be. Do I force myself to go somewhere that I am not comfortable and be upset the entire time. Tired of just worrying about making people happy. Almost 20 months I just don’t feel any further along. I am sorry for being so honest. The pandemic helped me because we could not go anywhere so maybe I was in false security. I just don’t know anymore.
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First, congrats on 19 months of sobriety! That truly is amazing! Hope you take my comments in a positive way. Yes, your husband should be understanding. Yes, your sobriety must come first. While we’re all different, and recover at different speeds, at 19 months I think going out to dinner with your spouse wouldn’t be so scary and challenging. You don’t sound comfortable at all with your new life. Perhaps your husband’s attitude is contributing to this, but ultimately you need to take responsibility for your well being. I suggest you go to marriage counseling. It sounds like he is struggling just as much as you. I think you both could use a safe place to be open and and honest and share your feelings. The goal is to work together as a team so that you both feel better about this new normal. I’m sure this whole situation has upended his life as well. My other suggestion is that you get involved in a recovery program. I didn’t hear you mention one, so I’m guessing you either don’t have one or you’re not very active with one. There’s many options out there. Having some sober friends to go out with and talk to is magical. I’m just afraid that if you don’t become comfortable and happy with your sobriety, that you’ll either live a sad and lonely life, or relapse. There’s another option that is truly amazing. Recovery is so much more than just not drinking. You are not alone! There are so many of us struggling with similar issues. Get out there and find some support and get some help. You can do this
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The thing people tend to forget is that when someone gets sober it will never be the same, not even to how it was pre addiction. Normal is not having to be completely uncomfortable or drained by being exposed to the thins you hate most. If your spouse has a place or situation that makes them feel that way, maybe try to relate it to them in that term- if they sit and process how that makes them feel maybe there would be more empathy. All I can recommend is keep up the open communication. Congrats on the time you have sober!
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I have a full recovery team, counselor, recovery coach, I do an Early Recovery Meeting every Tuesday, I do several AA meetings. My husband doesn’t believe in counseling it has been suggested. We both have health issues so going out isn’t always easy either he isn’t well or I am not. But I am still always the one to blame. Thanks for letting me share this. If I try talking to him it’s an agreement. Mind you this all didn’t happen until after my mom died. This alcoholism hit me fast and hard. But it goes way back in my family.
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I agree with Joe! My husband has not been supportive which has mad things much more difficult for me!
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There is nothing worse than not having support at home. Breaks my heart everyday. I look forward to just going to bed now. Pretty friggin sad 
Keep sharing if it helps Nancy, you have support here.
My boyfriend and I spent many nights out having cocktails… I was afraid of what we could do after I quit.. would it be boring. I actually find that many restaurants have NA beer on their menu so I just order a few of those while he drinks his beverages. It seems to work for us. I love the NA IPAs out there. He buys them for me to have at his place. I know they aren’t for everyone but they work for me. I feel like we can still enjoy time and minus me passing out or us getting into an argument like we used to when I did drink. I’m way more attractive sober than drunk after a night of drinking… he has many pics of me passed out. Not to mention the intimacy is way more enjoyable sober when you can remember it and dont pass out after it’s over.. I think it’s way better to be honest 
. Anyway hang in there’s girl!! Find ways to make it work!!
Thank you everyone. I will not give up. Fight tooth and nail if I have to.
Thank you for the beer idea. I actually hate beer. Lol. I also heard there is alcohol in it because my friend who is trying to stop drinks it.