Hello friends. I am struggling a little bit harder today. I guess we all share similar stories and mine is no different than most. Started drinking as a fun social activity, quickly realized I wasn’t able to drink like most of my friends, I couldn’t stop. I tried switching the drinks, maybe if it’s beer… or wine… or 4lokos I’ll be able to manage better. That was never the case. I’ve been drinking since I was 20 years old. It’s only gotten worse. I’ve noticed in the last 4 months I’ve reached a new level. I was always a functioning alcoholic but once I was home , it was a black out every time. I went through a lot of traumatic events , so I was always able to justify my drinking, F it right ? I’m finally stable. Economically , I have left over money to do things I want, something I had never had before. My car is nice and it works and I love the home we have created for ourselves. For once I have no justification for my drinking. I started at a company a year ago where they drink socially during work hours so I felt more comfortable having a drink here and there while at work. My partner while supportive of my stopping doesn’t get how deep this goes. I don’t think ive gone 1 day without a pint of bacardi in my system. It’s easy to hide from him sometimes , unless we argue, he says I get extremely emotional when I drink, and him being on the autism spectrum , it’s very hard to deal with my emotional outbursts. I know I shouldn’t put it on him because I’m the one with the issue, but I feel so alone at home. So alone out in the world. I have tried the meetings, I think a couple years ago I did my 90meetings in 90 days and just never went back. When the pandemia hit I also tried some zoom meetings but they never felt the same. I feel very weak, and like I can’t stop. As I’m writing I know that when I leave I’m gonna wanna buy some. I feel helpless. I have started to develop physical issues due to my heavy alcohol use and heavy weight gain as well. My feet have been swollen for over 2 weeks now. I was just wondering if you guys knew of any resources to help me get started on this journey of sobriety YET AGAIN something like tobacco free Florida but for alcohol I want to be able to stick to it. I don’t want to keep living this life. It’s miserable and I’m sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. Thanks for reading and I hope you have an awesome safe day
Congratulations on getting back to sober living. First I would recommend going to a doctor or ER. With the amount it sounds like you have been drinking, detoxing can be dangerous if done wrong! Too many horror stories out there. Second, a program. AA, SMART, recovery darma… anything to help keep you accountable. These next few weeks and months are going to be tough, there is no sugar coating it. But if you work an honest program you can do it.
Yup. I was always a “functional alcoholic”, until about 12 years ago when I got laid off. Being home all day meant I could drink the way I wanted to, which means it was just one long blackout until I was dragged, very much against my will, to a meeting 10 years ago.
Hey neighbor! I got sober the first time in my mid 20’s. I was living in Miami. I remember how hard it was to get connected to sober people at that time. Many years have passed since then. While staying sober still requires a lot of work, there are far more opportunities to help these days. Back then it was AA or nada! Apps and zoom weren’t around. Regardless, I recommend getting plugged into a program of recovery. If you’re good with AA, I know there are a ton of meeting in your area. You can do this. You’ve learned enough to know what happens to you when you try and control your drinking. Let’s go!
Thank you Tim I haven’t head of smart or recovery darma, will definitely look into these!
It’s just so easy to slip up when no one can tell me anything 
Creating sober connections in Miami is extremely hard as well as finding “sober activities” la vida es una fiesta and my party has got to stop , it isn’t fun anymore. Gracias amigo.
It’s that feeling of “Well, I don’t have anything else to do today.”
Or like if I do but I know I can do it buzzed , I definitely will. Specially with no supervision. I hate it. Feels like I have no self control
Work had been my everything, and so I felt like I had no purpose.
I’m glad you were able to break away from that. We’re definitely more than our work!<3 much love
If you don’t have major issues with AA, they definitely have the most in person support options. Yes, there are a lot of older grumps (like me lol), but they do have young persons meetings as well. Having a few sober sisters in your life would be very advantageous. We live in a very non sober world. It can get pretty lonely