Hello, My name is James and i am brand new here. Dont even inow if i am doing this right lol. Guys i have drank every single day for the last 4 years. It all started cuz i was hot one day after work and all of a sudden it became an every day after work thing then it became get plastered as fast as i can when im off. Then i would eat and pass out. I used to set boundaries on my off days like " no drinking til noon " I would starve myself ( and still do ) all day to make sure i get a drunk as i could. It used to be id binge drink once a day and pass out and do it again the next day. Now it has became to binging then waking up for a few hours and binging again. To the point where i can no longer afford my habbit. No one knows except my sister which is crazy cuz my mom has always had good intuition and in all these years she doesnt know. I can go a vouple days of not drinking without it bothering me really bad so i stay sober when im with my parents for the holidays but you better believe im always excited to get home to drink. Now it jas gotten to the point that i am so upset with who i have become. Ive let my house go. Ive stopped ganging with my friends especially my best friend so i can drink and I just feel disgusting. I dont want to be this way any more but i get scared of just sitting in silence with no distractions except my dog.Especially since my roommate is moving out so I definitely wont have any distractions. Im a mess and hate the person ive become. I mean i loath the person i currently am. Im ready to be done and since i know i can make it a few days without drinking already, i feel like maybe i can keep pushing myself to pull another day but Im not sure. Im scared cuz this has been my only life for 4 almost 5 years. I hate silence cuz it makes my brain start thinking in ways i dont want. Im sorry. Ill stop babbling. I will, however, ask about any at home distraction that may help keep my mind busy while im trying to get sober?
Hey James! Welcome! I have also been struggling with binge drinking and my blood pressure rising during withdrawal. Very scary. Housework has been put aside too and I just can't stand who I have become. You are definitely not alone here. And I can also relate to being excited to get home so I can drink the way I want to. I'm sure a lot of people can relate to that.
I also do not like silence. So, I listen to podcasts, music, have a comedy going on TV, I also join and listen to AA meetings on Zoom. There are 24 hour meetings. Google flying sober and the meetings should pop up. Sometimes it helps to hear others going through the same thing. Also, be of service to someone who needs help. That gets us out of our heads 
Hey thank you so much. Today is actually the first day I've thought about going. I always thought I could do it alone but then I was like " what's the problem with sitting with like-minded people? "
You are very welcome. When I was new to recovery, i only knew of AA. But, AA isn't the only meeting/ group out there. There are different options! Ask any of your questions on the platform. Everyone has their own way! There is This Naked Mind, Dharma Recovery, TLC, just to name a few different online groups/ meetings. The key is to find what works for you 
Hope you had a great day!
Hi James,
Welcome to Loosid!
Thank you for sharing what you are experiencing. Silence is a very scary place to be and can be paralyzing. Like Meredith said, podcasts, music, I am so happy to hear you are considering going to an AA meeting. Even if you don’t share it may still be beneficial. There is something very special about being with like-minded people that can share their experiences and what helped them. It may help you. If you ever need help or to talk, just let me know.
So happy you are here!
Hey thank you so much as well. I know nothing about meeting other than the typical stuff everyone sees on TV lol. So I live in a small town. I mean it's actually considered a village. There aren't any places that hold meetings within 20 minutes distance either direction. So either I'm looking for online meetings. Are they free? I can't afford too much but I'm in a state of mind where I am desperate. Truthfully I haven't quit yet but the feeling of wanting to has been weighing me down. So I feel the time has come that I need to do something. Just scared is all lol
Hey man, welcome. You can put it down if you want to, one foot in front of the other. Do you read? That keeps my mind occupied when there's not much to do.
Yeah but not actual books. I like audio books and podcast. Especially the dramatized audiobook. I have ADHD ( found out when I was little ) and it's hard to keep me engrossed in something for a long period of time. That's actually one reason why I drink. It keeps me interested in things