Hello there!
I'm new to the app and sober 'again' for 11 days.
I've been sober for a month or two, plenty of times over the last 7 years. That's when I realized I had the problem but I have been a problem drinker since I was a teenager.
The thing is I can quit for months and think I can control it. But as soon as I start drinking again, after a few days I slip back into old habits.
My husband is not very supportive. He thinks that I should be able to control myself and loves to drink himself, although he can stop after 2 or 3...
It's frustrating because I feel like I'm such a downer when I'm sober.
I love in a small town and AA isn't an option. I don't want the town to talk.
I also have a son. He is amazing! I was sober while pregnant.
I slowly started drinking after he was born. He's 13 months now.
It all crashed in on me the other day, this is not the Mom I want to be. I want to have a clear head to always make the best decisions for him and I want to have energy to play all day, not too tired with a headache from drinking.
And it's so hard to go to any family functions because my whole family drinks a lot.
I've told people I have a problem and they just ignore it and then next time I see them, they offer me wine.
It makes people uncomfortable. And after it taking all of my strength to admit I have a problem, people just pretend I never said it.
I feel like a failure.
Any suggestions on how to stay sober forever this time!?
Meetings. Get plugged in. Do zoom meetings. Glad you are here at least. It’s a good start.
Sounds like you are being a great example for your son Sheila, and he is going to need that. I bet, too, that the longer you stay strong the more people in your circle are going to be inspired and come to you for advice because they want to quit drinking.
Great thanks! Just hit 7 wks! It's been emotional to say the least but I know it's worth it! All this hard work is creating a life I am enjoying.
How are you?
It will get better trust me. Just stay away from the poison 
Life is better without it
I live in a very small town also (<3K). I felt the same and at first drove 45 min to meeting in a near by town. Then I had to say F’ it and go to meetings here. I had a talk with my 14 yo son about going to meetings and was honest with everyone I knew. You’d be surprised how much support you will find, some will judge sure…. But what’s the most important thing? Getting better, or what others think? Do what’s best for you, but meetings help. Best wishes.
I get what you’re saying, but…
I hope at some point you can get over the shame. We are not bad people. We are sick. We have an illness. Again, I do get it because I have the same feelings under certain circumstances. I just know I’m much healthier when I accept my illness and don’t give a fu$k about what others think. As others have said above my reply, you’d be surprised by the support and understanding you will find. Definitely try some zoom meetings in the meantime.
I appreciate your response and advise. Thank you 
I understand what you're saying.
Thanks for your comment!
I was the same way. Could turn it off for a while, and no one would understand why it turned back on. I compared it to switch vs dial. Some people have a dial where they can just turn it to 3 or 4 (drinks) but I had a switch that was either on or off. Then one day, like you, it was the kids that made me break off that switch and put it in the past. No I can say that I am proud to not be a drinker.
Yes!
I understand you!
I'm really working towards making this time stick for good!
I quit smoking a long time ago. It was very hard but the most freeing, proud feeling I've had!
I look forward to feeling that again 
You will. If not, I'll give you a wet willy. Now you have no choice. 
I understand your pain . Get professional counseling, ask your hubby to attend after a few sessions. Pray on it. Find a hobby that requires you to be sober. Exercise and try meds for cravings and get sober friends.
Call me!
Thank you for your suggestions!
Read the big book, get a sponsor, find a relationship with a higher power. Discover a real step one. AA should practice anonymity. Get plugged in. It's life or death for me so I had to let go of the idea of who knows or not. It's one of a journey but a beautiful one if done right
Also, encourage your husband to go to Alanon.
24/7 zoom meeting ID: 292 371 2604
I appreciate your suggestions!
Unfortunately it took me and my X wife to truly learn it's a family disease. The education piece is so important. That's my experience....