Your welcome.
Get to a meeting today. Get to a couple of meetings if possible. Get in the solution. You deserve it.
Thank you
Itās a new day get to a meeting 
Thank you
Always a good day to start over. Welcome back.
You know Clover, I've left many comments on several of your posts. I just got done going over your posts.
You must be feeling a lot of pain. You keep bringing it on to yourself but it's completely avoidable if you just get into the solution. You have to get to a point where you're sick and tired of being sick and tired. I know this because I, too, was a chronic relapser.
I started in AA by way of court order back in the late '80s. It wasn't until December of 2002 that I became willing and teachable. You have to really want this thing if you're going to make it work.
You're probably not going to like what I say in this next sentence but you keep on relapsing and then you come back to this app and get all this sympathy from all these other members and it's not doing you a bit of good.
The sooner you get into the 12 steps and complete them, the sooner the promises are going to start coming true in your life. I'm going to put a link to the promises, and I would like you to read over them and decide in your own mind if that's what you want.
My wife and I have cats. It looked to me from one of your posts that you like to do some gardening. My wife and I have a wonderful life together, and we plant gardens and flower beds. There's a whole nother life waiting on the other side of recovery but you have to decide if you're going to keep on picking this drink solution that is not working for you or try a new solution.
I can tell you that if you reject what I just told you, what you're feeling now is as good as you're going to feel, and it's only going to get worse. That I can promise you.
I stayed sober for almost 9 years, and then I screwed up in 2011. It cost me 3 years of absolute oblivion. I came crawling back to the rooms of Alcoholics Anonymous, and now, if I make it to July 6th, I'll have 9 years. Many times, I have played the scene forward, realizing that it was all a big lie. And that's what I've tried to tell you over and over again.
You Keep On Believing the big lie; that this time, everything will be okay. But it never is, is it?
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In addition to my long post above I'm going to paste something in here that you should read. And if you've read it before, you need to read it again because apparently it didn't have any affect on your recovery.
Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are
restless, irritable and discontented
unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinksādrinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the
phenomenon of craving
develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an
entire psychic change, there is very little hope of his or her recovery.ā
The 12 Steps of AA give us that psychic change that is needed.
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Feel free to chat me whenever you need, Clover
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Thank you 
Thank you
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I don't know you personally. I'm just another recovered alcoholic who been through the trenches like you're going through. I want to see you recover so that you can go on to have a wonderful life. But you have to make a decision that you're going to stop looking to the old solution and get into the only solution.
The program of Alcoholics Anonymous was written by alcoholics for alcoholics.
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If you need a friend hmu
Clover, I live in ABQ. Looks like you may be in Farmington area. If you need a female sober peer to talk to, feel free to message me. Iām also a huge 49er fan, so thereās that as well. 
Hang in there.
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Thank you
That would be awesome. I go to Albuquerque on some occasions. I lived my teenage years there. My mom lives in the Tijeras mountains up there
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Hey Clover: I'm really glad that you made it back! Many of US do not make it back. Addiction is a lethal and progressive. Hang out with US, just for today?
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Thank you so much 
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Can you try something for me? when you read this in the morning, I want you to thank God youāre still alive, go eat some steak and eggs, and write down all the positives and negatives in your life. Then decide if you want to have a decaying mindset or a growth mindset. If you want to quit for good do it for your health. Say I am responsible as much as necessary, and this does not control me. Your words are powerful and if theyāre backed by emotion even more soā¦ Iāll be praying for lmk if this helped.
You have the courage to try again. Donāt beat yourself up. Just get back on track and you will be okay. Trust me Iāve had many slips and itās better the sooner you get back.
I'm in the exact same boat Clover. Day 1 after a week long relapse. Here comes the cold sweats and shakes. I really liked what Mike had to say. I read the entire thing very carefully. Good luck Clover. I'll be thinking of you.