Here's a freestyle about my life...my addictions...check this out... I became

Recovery
#1

Here's a freestyle about my life...my addictions...check this out...

I became a fein before I was 13 and hit up the street's as it was better than getting beat
I never thought it'd happen to me
I always thought that was my destiny
Everyday I feel the anxiety
As my demon's won't ever let me be in peace
The whole world is suffocating me
Most of the time I can barely ever breathe,
Everyday I carry so much pain
To me the pain will never go away
I'm stuck in a maze and can't ever escape
My mind races and my body is always shaking
So tell me what's the use
When no would last a mile in my shoes
To go through what I went through and seen the sht that I seen
The nightmares wake me up
So I can't ever really sleep
But year's later I got myself clean
I'm becoming a better man if you all can't see
I'm just trying to be me while dealing with the pain
Picture this being 17 and burying your Dad in his fckn grave
I feel such like a disgrace because I know I shamed my family name,
Everyday I'm manically depressed
I carry so much weight on my mother fckn chest
I confess that some days I'm feeling so possessed
So many thoughts is making me stressed,
I try to hide all of my feelings inside
But my demon's are eating me alive
And so many times that I tried to die
Suicidal thoughts are always running through my mind
Everyday and night I'm just trying to shine
Become a star in the velvet night sky
But can't you see I try to be a good guy
I can't sing but I know I can ryme
As music is my dmn life
It's what makes me want to try
To socialize and say what's on my mind
But what you don't see is that I'm full of fright
And everyday is the same old fight,
I've been homeless with no where to go
Always running away and hitting the open road
As all my life I've been searching for my soul
Never had my parents and never truly had a home
So since a young age I've been all on my own
Being the shadow and a lone wolf
So this the end of my freestyle song
Pick yourself up and carry on

6 Likes
#2

Powerful.
I can relate as I am sure many others here can.
I hope to be able to read more rhymes along your journey.
Hopefully, it will be a story about sinners that turn into Saints one day soon.

1 Like
#3

I was a huge sinner for countless years and I had a long juvenile record and I have a criminal record as an adult but it's been over 5 and a half year's since my last set of charges,over 4 and a half year's since getting off probation for the 2nd and last time. It took a lot of year's...a lot of attempts to get clean and sober before I finally got it right. If I can change my life around and fight everyday and night to stay clean and sober than so can other's,only if they are willing to go through Hll to get to a better place(paradise). I wanted better for myself and wanted a better life so I've been busting my as off and working hard to stay clean and sober. I'm over 6 and a half year's clean from synthetic heroin and pills minus my meds,over 6 year's and 3 month's clean from meth (d.o.c)and gonna be 38 month's sober from alcohol on November 9th

2 Likes
#4

That is something to be very proud about! You found the courage needed to find your way back towards Serenity. I look forward to many more rhymes from you.

1 Like
#5

There will be more to come

1 Like
#6

Quick background on me ..if it makes you feel better. I’ve done it.
In all the different ways, you could do it ending up with injecting it.
Looking for that comfortably numb .
Restless, irritable, and discontent was my daily routine. Full of fear, anxiety and hopelessness.
I believed in Jesus, Holy Spirit, father God, but yet I wasn’t able to put it down.
Until I had to get to step zero, which is THIS HAS GOT TO STOP.
thank God for AA
AND THE 12 STEPS.
I walked through that with a senior member reading every word doing all that was suggested, and I found myself I found out why I did what I did what caused it, what my triggers are, what to do about them when they come up.
How to handle life on life’s terms.
The numbing agent was not my problem it was my solution.
Life was my problem.
I just didn’t realize that I could never control it.
And I lived in a victim mentality headspace.
If you knew what I had to deal with, you would be doing it too to survive. To stop the noise to, stop the pain, just dropped the fear.
The steps taught me that I was not a victim. I signed up for every bit of it. In most cases I caused most of the pain… I learned that in step in 4 and 5.
Six and seven taught me and I gave myself permission to do the things I couldn’t stop doing.
And it wasn’t my job to try to change I tried all the self-helps.
It is my job to let him change me .
So I casted all of that on him .
My job was to seek him through prayer and meditation.
And the more I seeked, the more began to get free.
Step five released me from the shame, guilt and remorse, which can kill you. They say resentments are the number one offender.
And resentment towards myself was worse than resenting someone else .
I had to forgive myself I had to realize I was already forgiven for everything I’ve done in the past in the present and would commit in the future by a loving God. The more I pour God in, the less there is of me.
Allowing me to share my gift of freedom with another one who has gotten to the place of this has got to stop.
So the answer is in the steps and what the steps will help you find not only about yourself, but about a loving God who’s already forgiven you and has always been waiting for you to come on home .

#7

And a HOME with a newfound family waiting to love you back to life :100:

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#8

I respect your beliefs but please respect my own beliefs. I don't believe in a specific God. I believe in the universe. I believe in mother earth and mother nature. I believe becoming one within every way. I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe we create our own luck