Hey Loosid fam! Little update & looking for feedback

Recovery
#1

(Sorry for the LONG POST in advance :woman_facepalming:t3:)

Happy Sunday! I hope everyone is doing well :heart: I am doing SO MUCH better since joining this community! :raised_hands:t2::hugs:. I want to THANK YOU ALL from the bottom of my heart & GOD for sending me here! I was in such a dark place with my mental health & drinking. I have a pretty good idea how I ended up there but getting out of it seemed impossible. Once I came on here I had such a major “aha moment”- I finally felt understood and could relate to people! I regained hope and a sense of self-esteem I though might have been lost forever. My mindset and outlook has totally changed! :raised_hands:t2::sparkles:. I am not “fixed” though nor am I anywhere near where I need to be to get my life back on tract but I am feeling stronger than ever to do so! I know Loosid is not a program and I do not find it to be a replace my for recovery alone but for me it had helped tremendously & I can see my self being here for a very long time :slight_smile: So for those of you that may have been following my story thus far since joining 23 days ago, here is the update on my current situation & plan: (feedback greatly appreciated & even constructive criticism welcome! :wink:

As I previously mentioned my plan was to go to inpatient treatment for dual-diagnosis- depression, anxiety, trauma, codependency, etc. & alcohol abuse.. I have never been to any form of treatment before other than private counseling & some meetings.. I was decided I needed the most intensive level of care bc I could not get myself out of the hole which was getting deeper & deeper. I would have checked in, in November but my family recommended I get my 2br/2ba Apt in NJ into storage and then go down to FL so I didn’t have to still deal with that. The rent is just way too expensive and a lot of trauma has going on in this apt so I’ve been wanted to get out for a while. At the time & still today I didn’t think it was the best idea because I was not strong enough to get it done. I really wanted to go to treatment and then come back to pack, and then go back down to continue outpatient.. I took my family’s recommendation though bc I was so scared I may not be thinking straight and as usuals, Andrea didn’t want to upset anyone :woman_facepalming:t3:. Regardless, I’m still here 4 months later with 3/4 packed up and in storage BUT at least I’m feeling much better & I think treatment will go 10x better now! So perhaps it was a blessing in disguise- not dwelling on it ;).

Full honesty- I’m not going to LIE, I have been having some drinks but not drinking myself stupid & being hungover week after week, thank god! It’s progress and I guess I’m still experimenting although I’m 99.9% sure I am an alcoholic and I’m playing with fire.. I am taking it one day at a time and being very cautious & holding myself accountable so I’m not beating myself up. Just praying I won’t end up back in the terrible place I was :pray:t3:.

So, for the thought on a new plan, here is what I’m thinking and my reason why is bc of the change in how I’m feeling..:

If I do not go to inpatient, I will do PHP or IOP but back to the pup issue bc I will not be able to stay in the sober housing at most places. I only know of one PHP program down in FL that allows dogs- Recovery Unplugged in Ft. Lauderdale but I’m not really sold on their program. It’s difficult/confusing to make a decision! I would really like to go to RECO Intensive in Delray if I go the PHP/IOP route but no pups allowed.. So if I were to go that route I would need to rent my own place or stay at a hotel in the meantime. I really do feel so much better but it does make me a little nervous to give myself too much freedom. Then again, it would be better for Benji and I!!

One last option would be to stay here in NJ and do PHP or IOP but I still need/want to get out of my apt so I’d be in the same situation of having to find another place and I’m not ready to commit to a new apt/lease. So at that point I think I should still just go down to FL! It is getting nicer here but not nice enough for the beach & pool which I waaaannnt like no other already! Haha

So yeah I’m a bit confused bc of those factors plus I am not sure if I want to move to Florida or come back to NJ eventually!Which also is leaning me towards coming down to Florida for treatment either was so I can test it out down there. I have family that lives on the Gulf coast but I will do treatment on the East coast..as much as I’d love to be near and start working on those relationship I’m not ready for that..

So happy I’m feeling better but ahhhh now I’m trying to decide which option I should go with lol. Also, the cost of PHP/IOP & renting a place will be a huge deciding factor. If it it’s not siiiiigggnificatly less that inpatient then it would not make any sense.

I will be making some phone calls Monday and try to look into the cost. TY everyone for always staying in listening :heart:. If you have any thought or info I’d appreciate it :slight_smile: Sorry, I can get a little neurotic sometimes haha but I want to make the right decision!

I look forward to hearing from you guys and hope you have a beautiful Sunday! Feel free to ask any questions also if it will help :slight_smile:

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#2

We all heal at our own pace and progress or what we or other see is progress is not necessary what will apply to you. To quote Mr Bob Dylan. Don't think twice it's alright.

1 Like
#3

Thank you! I do A LOT of second guessing with myself bc I don’t want to mess up- a blessing and a curse. I like to get as much feedback (do my research) as I can from different sources and than I make a well thought out decision so I don’t have regrets. I’ve grown a lot in having confidence in my decisions but still struggle with it— codependency at its finest. I do feel confident in that “I am a work in progress” though. :raised_hands:t2::hugs:

#4

I joined here about 5 months ago and was sober 4 months already. I couldn’t get out a competent thought. How are you able to express yourself so freely? Very happy you decided to stop or curb drinking, I hope you can fully stop because like you said, you are playing with fire. I tried that and ended up with esld. 4 months in the hospital and received a liver transplant. Please do everything you can and resist … it feels really good to be free of that ish and breath.

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#5

Fellow New Jerseyian

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#6

Check out Florida Recovery Center. Emotional support dogs have been allowed in the past.

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#7

Thanks for your comment :slight_smile: Happy to hear you’re healthy now and staying away from the poison! I know I need to completely stop.. So, I have always been a very expressive person and I am also a counselor. I have the ability to look deep in myself and assess my emotions when I am feeling good & confident. However, I struggle with depression & anxiety even without alcohol in the mix… when that happens- forget getting out a thought it even forming a sentence! Although I have always been able to assess my emotions well, I struggled for a while sharing them bc of the stigma to keep your problems to yourself/family/friends. If I feel I’m in a safe space then I feel comfortable to share and I don’t give an F what judgements can possibly be put against me! It took a long time to get here but I know how Theraputic it is for me to talk about what is on my mind and also help others! Does that make more sense now? I hope you have found it easier to get your feelings out there as your sobriety gets stronger. A sober mind is 100% a way more clear & confident mind!

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#8

I will check them out, thanks!

#9

My advice to you is, no major decisions right now. In the beginning most people want to start making decisions all over the place in their lives and most of the time it never goes very well. Your head is all over the place based on your report.

If you are as alcoholic as I am I would recommend that you get to an AA meeting and start finding some sober friends. Don't rely on your own thinking. First things first . That's my advice to you. And one more thing.
Beware of the roller coasters and pink clouds.

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#10

Do you have insurance to help for an inpatient treatment center?

#11

No :/…going to be paying out of pocket either way if inpatient or outpatient.

#12

I have three friends that just moved into recovery unplugged, heard great things and as always, RECO has my heart! They are amazing. Hope everything works out! One question though. Why are you drinking? Why do you feel the need to? You know it has caused problems in the past and it is for sure only a matter of time before it does again. And the problem is t the drinking per se, it is our thinking. Drinking is only a symptom. If I know there is even a 1 in 1,000 chance drinking could ruin my life or regress my personal growth, I'm not going to take the gamble that the next one might be the 1 out of 1,000. And one more thing, a non alcoholic doesn't question or get convicted if they should be drinking or not. They don't think like that.