Hi all. I’m new-ish back to the site. I practice sober months often but I always wonder if I can have an actual healthy balanced relationship with alcohol. It seems like theres always an excuse on why I can’t quit, how I won’t be fun/have fun anymore and I always hope that I will find a healthy balance with it. But I wonder if I just will never have that. Appreciate the community. 
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Welcome back! It’s never too late 
I can only speak from experience…. I had the same thoughts until I realized I could never drink like a gentleman. I finally admitted I was powerless over alcohol.
@des319445 Welcome back, at least you were able to follow the approach lights, ATC and land safely without having to bounce down the runway and take everything out in your path.
NEWSFLASH YOU cannot have a balanced life with alcohol. You're allergic to the ingredients contained within.
You'll still have fun except ... You'll remember what you did and who you did it with. You'll wake up instead of come to. Your head won't feel like it's going to split open at altitude even in a pressurized cabin.
Please download the Everything AA App. Click on the 4th icon down, click on "Listen to The Big Book", scroll down to the icon titled "Grounded" and listen to it. I'm sure you'll be able to relate to it.
You'll thank me later.
Love ya Des