Hi everyone!just joined. I’ve been in and out of recovery much of my life. Poured a year of sobriety down the old hatchet River these last 6 months. I’ve been justifying to myself that it’s only temporary. That I will get back on the wagon. That I will be able to control this beast and drink like a Normy. NOPE! Hasn’t been working out for me. I feel my soul slowly seeping away into the bottle. My own childhood trauma, being a child of alcoholic parents does not need to be passed down the family line to my children any more. I’m feeling hopeful, holding space for positive shame instead of wallowing. I’m feeling pretty good about that. But today is day one, and if I look at the pattern for the last few months, it seems I have a drunk, get sober for 2-3 days, maybe a week and then the little demon mind says, “you’re doing great! You can have one (or 20!)”
Trying to pay closer attention to my triggers for drinking. Life has been a crazy ride these last few years and I’m really struggling to rise up out of it. I just want to be able to STAY SOBER! There’s so much good in my life, and I’ve been so blessed to have some really good people in my life who tell it like it is with loving compassion and help me so much to see what the heck I’m doing with all of the beauty I’ve created. I don’t want to see it all go down the tubes. I’ve been fortunate enough that this relapse period didn’t bring with it too much catastrophe …. But I am scared of myself. I wish there was a way to get on a “do not sell alcohol to this person” list. It would be so much easier! Alas, I’ve gotta dig deep and find the strength and courage to push forward as a sober being again!
Would love to connect with many of you/ build friendships with other sober folks! Thanks for listening. Day one! Here’s to say two tomorrow! One day at a time. 
Welcome back, Casey!
Thank you for your share. I spent years attempting “harm reduction drinking” prior to completely spiraling out of control, so I and pretty much everyone here can relate to you attempting to try to drink as if you have the control and are “normal.”
But ever consider, all those people who consider themselves “normal” who are able to drink every weekend or have a glass of wine with dinner…maybe they’re the abnormal ones?
Mindset is everything. You can and will do this!
I believe in you. And If no ones told you today, just know I’m proud of you for doing the next right thing.
Please reach out anytime!
This is my second attempt at sobriety (42 days sober). Great post by you that I took 3 things from:
- you are committed to getting sober
- you seem to be forgiving your self for the relapse(s)
- you see the positive things in your life
You can do this!!
Wishing you the best,your not alone!
Welcome back! The demon is a tricky one for sure. This is a fantastic community to be a part of. You can do it. Be the warrior that you know you can be and beat that demon down!
Thanks for the encouragement guys! I stayed sober after this post about a week,. I’ve been in a pattern. 3-4 days sober, a drunk, shame over, 3-4 days sober. Ugggg! I’m realizing a pet of the problem is not leaning into community. I’m also noticing that stress is my biggest trigger. And there’s a lot of it in my life right now. So, I’m curious what tricks/ sobriety hacks you all may have/still use? I’m thinking about writing myself a note to keep in my wallet that reminds me why sobriety is so important for me. Day 1 today! 
I hear you. The past few weeks have been tough for me and I have had similar patterns. I would love to connect if you are open since we are both in the Bay Area.