Being somewhat functional only feeds our insanity...somehow this fed my belief that I was stronger than it...our ends are all the same...I would give AA an honest try...it took me time to accept that I needed this support...I'm not an alcoholic but one of my homegrouos is AA and I'm so glad I was open-minded enough to see that we are all fighting the same fight...and there is strength in numbers we were never meant to walk this road alone...
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hey vic! im 21 originally from Chicago. it breaks my heart and i see you have a lot of past pain the way you apologize/articulate things. im 100 days sober & it definitely isn’t always easy because im confused with who i am sober. im still trying to figure it out. there’s a whole world out there that’s a heck of a lot better living sober. the 12 steps have saved my family’s life and it seems silly but it works. there will become a day where you’re not only non functioning but the shoe will drop. whether that’s in jail or a hospital bed from this disease. at the end of the day, you will only get better if you truly want it… & i hope u find the strength to fight for a healthier life 
sending prayers your way.
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Find a good support group in your area. You must work at sobriety. It’s like a job. To be successful at anything in like you have to want it.!! Don’t give up it worked for me.
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Aa. Org for meetings.go for a year.and don’t give up.you want it you can do it.
Brilliant reply Sophie! O2-28-2OO2
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I also was highly functional and a lot of people didn’t know! I was sober for a year and what a great year it was until I relapsed thinking I could control it! I have no shut off valve! Alcohol controls me that it why irbid not an option for me to drink anymore! Life without it is beautiful. Clear mind and your body will start to heal. The joy to recovery was an excellent book!
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