Hey guys, I wanted to share a quick version of my story. lol it’s still gonna be long…I hope it helps at least one person. We do recover 
I had A and Bs all throughout highschool. Even tho I was high out my mind, I still was getting good grades. Graduated with a 3.25 GPA. So I thought weed didn’t affect me.
When I was 15 I started smoking weed- out of curiosity. I met this boy named Johnny. He was wild. This first thing he ever told me was over the weekend he went to a party and jumped off the roof into the pool….anyways I actually hated the way it weed made me feel. In fact the experience scared me. I couldn’t think straight and I couldn’t see straight. What I saw was like stop motion. I got really bad tracers. All my friends didn’t understand what I went through and said “just keep smoking it will ware off!” and at the time I thought they were trying to be nice… I now realize that was peer pressure and such a stupid response. I wish they told me “oh you had a bad time and reacted bad.. then don’t do it. everyone’s different!!” but no… I kept smoking weed. A couple months later, I got my first boyfriend and can you guess? He smoked weed! Great….. NOT. He introduced me to wax pens. Highly concentrated THC. I asked to borrow his pen and take it home from school and he said no it’s mine.. so he bought me my first battery and cart. It took me a month to finish that cart. I wasn’t planning on buying another cart in the beginning…. but i had this usable battery might as well buy another cart. My boyfriend was dealing carts too and they were fairly cheap. I got a job when I was 16, worked after school maybe 25/30 hr a week and only had to pay for the gas on my car. So if you can imagine my bank account grew pretty fast-plus my boyfriends mom would give him money for us to get food and he would shower me with gifts. Soon enough, I was going thru a half gram every day.
My parents caught me. I was grounded for 2 months. No friends for 2 months. Shiz sucked and it made me angry as a teenager. They drug tested me during this time of grounding and I was “staying clean”. So when I was ungrounded they got lazy and thought I was doing good too and stopped drug testing me. I wasn’t actually clean during this time, I tried acid for the first time cos it doesn’t show up on a drug test. I wanted to feel something. My Best friend at the time I’ll call her Jilly, she had some experience with acid and her bf at the time was a dealer of it. So it was very easy to get and very very cheap. She wasn’t dying.. so i trusted it even tho I told myself I would only smoke weed. I will NEVER do hard drugs…. I of course had a great time on it. So two weeks later I did it again and nothing much happened and Jilly said you got to give it some time in between.
Finally when I was ungrounded- I smoked immediately. The way pen was perfect. It almost had no scent, it was small easy to conceal, could use it anywhere. I would purposely wear long sleeves to school and hit the pen during class. There were other kids doing this too and we would pass each other pens around. Also would hit the vape during class too. Soooooo cooool lol
Now i’m 17 and it’s Junior year. My boyfriend and I break up. I was heartbroken- he was my first!! I had been sober for a month at most cos my parents started drug testing me again cos I was super distant from them. I despised. them for drug testing me. I wasn’t helping. They got lazy again and stop testing me soooo
I started smoking again and even heavier. I thought to myself, i didn’t need anyone. This wax pen is my friend. It never lets me down and is always here for me. 
I would hit my wax pen in the break room at work, i did not care. I would spark up in my car and reek of ganja. The weed wasn’t rlly doing it for me anymore. So I expressed that to Jilly and she told me how she started to get into Xanax. Again she wasn’t dying like they taught in school if you do it once your screwed for life. You’ll die if you do it one time. I thought we were rebellious and breaking the system. We knew what we were doing and adults were stupid. Jilly and I had no plan. She acquired the xans. I took half of the bar at 5pm. We met up with another friend to smoke weed right after. It was only an hour later and I wasn’t feeling it. I asked for the other half and Jilly said no. I said I paid for it give me the other half. My other friend said she just trying to be careful. I was upset and told her to give it to me. I took the other half and blacked out. I guess I was being loud and couldn’t walk rlly. The friend we were with was older and had his own apartment after we were out all night Jilly told my other friend she doesn’t want to go home because I might wake up her parents and she was tripping on acid and on xans and couldn’t take care of me and blah blah. So we ended up at this friend’s apartment. BAD MOVE. My parents tracked my phone and I usually would leave it at Jillys house but I didn’t think any of this would happen- we were gonna smoke with this friend and go back to her place and hang out. My parents blew up my phone when the woke up and saw I was at some random apartment. I was still coming down off them. It took me hours to get back home-We got back to Jilly’s and I hung out there for a few hours cos i was scared to go home. Plus I worked at 3pm so I thought I could avoid my parents. When I got home they said they were disappointed and that was about it. I got away with it. I went to work and that was that. After that horrible experience I didn’t do xans for years after that.
Fast forward to after highschool graduation. I am now in community college, 19 years old. By the way Every hour on the hour I had to hit my wax pen. No matter where I was at. I would hit it in the bathroom at school,in my bedroom, in the bath, in the fitting rooms, in the bathroom at work,in the car while driving you get it..
I was hanging out with a different friend- let’s call her Glitter. I had meet her through my first boyfriend and we still kept in touch after the breakup. She did online school so we hung out all day and smoked weed while she slowly completed school. At first, when I was in high school, we smoked a lot of weed together. I would get so high at her house I would give myself anxiety.
She was into coke at the time I was 19, I did coke with her for the first time and loved the feeling a little too much. She was also smoking blues and was highly addicted to them. She was so casual about them. I decided to take a hit one night and It made me feel the most normal. It felt like how a human was supposed to feel. No pain, no anxiety and clear. A few days later, I came over to her place and she was smoking blues again. I took a hit again- I started getting rlly sweaty and then cold. I got nauseous all of a sudden and went to open her door to go the the bathroom and suddenly threw up all over her floor. She yelled at me, told me to clean it up and leave. I sat in my car for an hour before I drove home. I felt disgusting inside.
I ran into an old middle school friend at the community college-Trina. She smoked weed and I told her how i’ve been into doing coke. She had a plug for it so we soon become best friends. I was doing lines before class. I didn’t know at the time but her coke SUCKED.
One night I was bored and somehow was talking to my exs friend-Bob. He was partying at his older brother’s apartment with his brother and his gf. I got invited and Bob was messed up. He was drunk, tripping on shroom, doing lines for coke and molly. I told him I have never done molly and he was like whaaat no. So he gave me my first line of Molly. It burned my nose. Smoked a lot of weed. The older brother gf “gloved” me. They are gloves with lights at the finger tips. And she moved her fingers around to make a cool light show in my face. It was pretty mesmerizing. I left and drove home and it felt like a video game in the best way. The best sounded magical.
I told Trina about the molly experience and she had only done it a couple times. So I acquired Molly and we had a fun time until Trina tried to violate me. It was 3 am and she was forcing herself on me. I got my stuff and slept in my car cos I was scared to go home(still lived at home). Keep in mind im still smoking carts going thru a half gram cart a day. I also was working still too. I was a cashier at a grocery store. Every hour on the hour I would go to the bathroom and hit my wax pen.
The pandemic happens and I dislike online classes. I decided to take a gap year. During this time, I was working at the grocery store 40 hours a week. I was the fastest cashier (25 items per minute) I still thought weed didn’t affect me if anything it helped me. It was my only motivation. My brain was obsessed at this point. I was constantly thinking of my next hit. I was depressed in highschool but at this point I was numb. It around the end of 2020-I reached out to my parents for help. They were very understanding. I have them all my carts and batteries to be thrown away. I told them to help keep me accountable and to not get lazy with the testing. I was sober and doing good for 6 months ish.
It’s 2021 and Im 20 year old and the pandemic is sorta done. My mom saw that university was back to doing in-person classes. I felt more comfortable with community but my mom was like ones the time to go to university, you’ll still be close to everyone’s age and pushed me to do it. The first 2 month I started off strong-I had As in all my classes and perfect attendance. I drove down to campus for classes. I was making friends and thriving.
Johnny- the friend in highschool who got me high for the first time came back to town. (We were sorta dating in high school and we kept in touch over the years and we were in an open relationship together. We were each others number ones. It’s honestly a whole different story)
But I started going to where Johnny was and hanging with him. I was sober and he was smoking cigs and weed. I now know he was hiding smoking blues from me but at the time I didn’t know. I did know he had a problem with blues,heroin, and meth in the past. Still a ragging alcoholic but at this time wasn’t drinking much because he lived with a buddy who helped keep him in line.
One day I was upset and frustrated with schoolwork. I got up Johnny and he was alone at the apartment tripping on shroom chocolate. He got me to come over and when I got there I was still holding strong saying I’m sober and my parents are drug testing me. He reminded me shrooms don’t show up on a drug test and he had a little but if his shroom chocolate bar left.
I ate it. I had a great time. It was the first time I had laughed in a long time. We had this perfect connection. I felt like he was the only person in the world who truly understood me. It felt telepathic.
I bet you can guess, soon after I started smoking weed with him. I was hanging out with him as often as I could. We were going to party’s and doing coke together. He was in a bad living situation and my parents told me if I start smoking weed again it won’t be under their roof. They didn’t kick me out but I was very adamant on moving out with Johnny.
When Johnnys buddy found out he was going to move out with him he got mad and kicked him out. I was sleeping over with Johnny at his buddies too so when he got kicked out he went to his grandparents house. I slept over there with him every night. I told my parents that were staying with his grandparents till we get our own apartment. We were doing coke together all day and night long. We were also taking xans. I told him about my bad experience with them and he said I’ll reach you how to jot blackout. I would only take 1/4 at a time and slowly built my tolerance to them. I didn’t even realize how messed up I was. One of the nights, he revealed to me he had been smoking blues. He said this will be the last time and if we could do them together and just have a good one last time. I complied. At first, I felt amazing. It felt like I was one with the bed. I couldn’t move. Everything was ok. Anything you asked me I would say yes. The music-whatever. I had no care. Everything was ok and whatever. A few hours later, I was coming down from them and felt very sick. I threw up in the toilet multiple times. I asked to take a shower and Johnny said fine. For whatever reason, 10 min later he got mad at me for shower and turned it off on me. That caused me body to feel even more gross cos it was cold without the water. He was yelling at me to get up and I suddenly (THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING BUT THIS IS WHAT DRUGS DO) I suddenly shat myself.. in the shower… it was DISGUSTING AND JOHMNY WATCHED ME DO IT. We were super close to each other but like OMMMG GROSS. He literally told me to get out and clean myself AND HE CLEANED MY POO. I-
I told myself that would be the last time I would ever do blues. They were not for me. I have now reacted to them badly twice.
His grandparents knew Johnny was an addict. We were there for a couple months (keep in mind im still trying to keep up with college) It was going good, we would vacuum and clean the house. Johnny did yard work for them.
One night, his Grandpa found out he was drinking and kicked us out. He grandma just had a sad face and watched us while he yelled at us to get out. I was saying how we had no where to go and he said I don’t care sleep on a park bench.
My parents were not welcoming of Johnny. The have hated him since highschool.
I have my own car, it is a subcompact car tho, so super tiny. The night we got kicked out, we waited until midnight so my parents would be asleep and I still had keys to the house and all my stuff was still there in my room. So, I went in while he waited in the car. I grabbed a comforter (it’s also December and freezing cold) two pillows some tapestry’s to cover the windows, clothes for me and him. (I have big sweatpants and shirts for him and honestly he had been borrowing my clothes for a while cos he doesn’t have many of anything)
We slept in the car and I wasn’t gonna leave him or let him sleep outside in the winter. We slept in the car for about 2 weeks. I was still making it to classes and work and driving him to his job. We were both raging coke heads. Johnny would do lines in the bathroom at work and so would I. I would do lines in my car before class. We would take xans at night to knock ourselves out and to cope with sleeping in the car.
Johnny got sick cos he has ruined his immune system. At the time, Johnny was direct depositing all his checks straight to my bank account cos he didn’t have one and trusted me. We were also exclusive and have talked about marriage. We were closer than close. But anyways, Johnny was sick……
(O_O) it just keeps getting worse..
THIS POST IS SOOO LONG IM GOING TO POST A PART 2
lmk what you think so far and if you can relate 