My son is in detox after overdoseing twice in the past week. He's already making demands that he is leaving, he only wants to do an outpatient treatment plan, but we all know his plans haven't worked in the past? I can't get through to him and I don't want to loose him? If anyone out there has any suggestions, I could use it right now?
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Unfortunately it’s not your fight. We can not force, beg, barter… anyone to get sober if they don’t want to. Hard as you may want to try, perhaps you should step back. Save your heart. Talk to AlAnon groups, a therapist, someone who has been there. I few for you man, I truly do. A friend of mine went back out there and caught 8 felony charges. I am sad but it probably is the best thing for him. Your son is going to do what he does… like it or not. All you can do is be there to help if he asks.
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Hearing someone else say this definitely helps and I know I have to get to a meeting today because this hurricane is affecting my sobriety right now! Thank you Tim
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You bet man. Just keep doing the next right thing for your own sobriety. The chips are going to fall where they do. All we can do is keep our own side of the street clean.
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I am sorry that you’re going through this with your son. He’s lucky to have a family that loves him and wants to be there with him. Sadly we already know that only he can decide to make those changes. Outpatient usually only works after a decent amount of time inside the facility. You’re powerless over his choices and I know that hurts. Make sure you’re taking care of yourself and your recovery. Honestly that’s all you can do is continue to be an example for him. You’re both in my prayers.
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Speaking from experience. There is nothing to be done other than work the best program you can. Be an example of what sobriety can be. I recommend ALANON groups as well.
Their choices are theirs and theirs alone. The consequences are theirs alone to deal with as well.
I harm instead of help when I deny someone the dignity of their own failure.
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Your suggestions are valid Tree. The last time I spoke with him I suggested he do something different this time around? For a young man he has had some heavy, life altering experiences that he doesn't want to talk about and it's been hard for him to move forward with anything? Even confronting him with the obstacles and lies that I know about he's still in denial and floundering? My brother-in-law went to talk to him before he escaped detox and today he is in rehab 
I'm praying he stays this time. Thanks for your help!
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You can’t change anyone but yourself
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Lead by example
I got 2 brothers still in active use and all I can say is that if they want to keep going down that destructive path I can't stop them. But what I can do is love them from afar and pray they find the light. They will try and manipulate you by any means to pull on your heart strings to get what they want. But give that tough love and keep telling them when your ready for a healthy lifestyle I'll be here to support you. Other then that they have to want to grow and change.
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You can poke and prod all day and night but you can’t change someone. They have to do it themselves.
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The choice for your son to get & stay clean has to be his and only his choice. I suggest that you pray and give your son to God to look after and please take care of yourself and your recovery at this time. Go to meetings, call friends, and PRAY TO YOUR HIGHER POWER that things will work as they are supposed to. I’m praying for you and your son. 
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My son is 31 and has had addiction problems since he was 16. He almost died about 2 months ago. MRSA, Hep c, heart and lung infections, I think he finally realizes that he can die from that stuff. Hopefully that knowledge will help him get sober. It does seem a bit different this time. I’ll pray for you and your son. Best to you.
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My heart goes out to you Susan. It's painful to watch your own making deadly mistakes. I know I have made mistakes and maybe if I'd been more aware it would not have been so natural for him to try? I never introduced anything to him but I can't help feeling responsible for being so casual about alcohol growing up? I hope your son has a speedy recovery! God Bless You Too!
Thanks Steven. I used to blame myself and my own alcohol use then one day we had a talk and he said he was not aware that I had been abusing alcohol. I guess I hid it well. I was thrown for a loop. He choices were independent of mine and he was focused on his own world. It made me feel better but also sad because it kept me looking for a reason.
As kids they look to us for answers and they don't know sometimes we're still trying to figure it out? Back in the 90's both of my brother's were killed 3 years apart. My son was born in the middle of my world falling apart and having him and that responsibly was what saved me? Wanting better for someone else!
You can't change him. Only he can change himself. He has to want to quit and unfortunately if he doesn't want to, he probably won't. I know it's not what you want to hear, especially as a parent. To try to force someone to change may work short term but in my experience doesn't work long term. More often than not it could make them do just the opposite and start being more sneaky about it. I tried to get my fiance to quit when he wasn't ready and it backfired. And when I was being forced to quit before I was ready I got resentful and doubled down. It wasn't until I realized that I had to make a change that I was finally able to quit. It's not easy or we'd all quit and addiction wouldn't be a thing. It literally changes your brain chemistry and treats the drugs the same as food and water, the brain believes it needs drugs to live. Inpatient care is the way to go but he has to want it. I did outpatient for 5 months unsuccessfully. It wasn't until I went to rehab that I was able to get clean. Good luck to both of you. I hope he decides to get clean for himself soon before anything bad happens again. I recommend going to a narc-anon meeting for loved ones of addicts. They can be very helpful and supportive.
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Find urself a support group there r many , they will share what works for them and will give you the knowledge you need to deal with ur emotions !
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