How do I learn how to stay calm under control have self control and not get upset mad violent go berserk crazy or be intimidated have fear, frustration humiliation etc. My anxiety goes through the roof with everything. I feel like everything is non stop dramatic and drama and I'm always the villain how do I become carefree laid back careless careful dramefree quiet unhumiliatied unchaotic secretive and undramatic. A lot of the times I cause my own problems like we all do but its 50/50.
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Great question…and not an easy or quick fix. First, it’s great that you can acknowledge all of this. You can’t begin to change until you can get honest and take responsibility. Have you ever tried any recovery programs like AA/NA? These programs are all about making this personality change you are asking about. The alcohol/drugs are just a symptom of the real problem…our stinking thinking. The steps will take you thru a spiritual journey where you will learn to find the power(s) to change. The change is a slow and gradual process, but it’s a beautiful journey. The key is it’s one day at a time. Every morning I wake up with untreated alcoholism. The 12 step program is a daily program of living. I don’t want to overload you with too much blah blah blah, but I highly recommend you look for a daily recovery programs, and I’m always available to chat more about it if you’re interested
Meditation and healthy ways of self soothing/grounding have helped me immensely with my very vibrant emotions. It’s not for everyone, but may be worth looking into. Best of luck to you on your journey. 
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Make an appointment with your doctor. See if some of your symptoms can be controlled with medication. Are you attending meetings AA or NA. If not got to a meeting, introduce yourself and ask for help. Try to go everyday. Find a sponsor and do the steps.
Simply don’t give a fxck. The more you become aware of who you are as a person, the core person you are, the less likely you will react to the world around you. It’s about awareness and worth. Know you’re always above whatever it is that’s stressing you out. Don’t worry you got this!