How do you deal with being in a relationship where your s/o is a heavy drinker but in all other ways the relationship is great? Finding it really hard to stay sober when we are together. He’s not mean or abusive when he drinks like I can be. I think I already know the answer to my question but I’d like some advice and someone to relate to. Thanks 
My wife still drinks. The first few months were really tough, but once I realized the addiction was MY problem, it got a bit easier. She and I have a kind of code. If I get triggered or feel uncomfortable in a situation I tell her I need to handle something and I walk away. She will check on me though the rest of the night and if I need to leave she goes with me. Have a truthful talk with them and get all the feelings in the open… then you can make an informed decision.
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Thank you Tim, we don’t live together but whenever I don’t have my daughter it’s my default to go out drinking with him, overdo it and cause some sort of scene… I am trying to figure out if I can navigate any sort of true sobriety in this relationship, going to have the serious talk.
Also reached out to my sober friend and going to my 1st meeting tonight! She’s going to sponsor me 
it was kind of hard to do but I’m glad I did!
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Awesome! Just remember to always have an escape route. The advise I got early on was “ for now, don’t be where you don’t need to be” that helped me as well
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I’d ask if he’d be ok while you’re in the early stages of recovery to drink when you guys aren’t together. If he loves you and wants to support you I’m sure he’ll oblige. Kind of like a pregnant mom whose husband stops drinking and smoking for support in her having to stop. My concern tho is you said heavy drinker as he might have a problem he’s not acknowledging and that in itself could drag you down. If he says no to not drinking when you’re together I’d take it as a red flag that he doesn’t see the need for sobriety for you nor for himself and that’s not the type of support system you need right now.
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That’s my worry, I’m theory he totally would support me, but the reality is he drinks pretty much daily, probably averaging 4-5 beers and a cocktail. So I just think it’s going to be hard to be supportive because of his own addiction. I’m focused on myself and staying sober today, it may be that things work themselves out as I’m building a sober community up around me. I’m lucky to have many friends who could take it or leave it and some completely sober ones, so I’m not alone
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It's really difficult. You don't need anyone's permission to create boundaries in what you need in recovery. I would have a super hard time staying sober with booze around. That's why I single, with my own home. I hope you put yourself first. 
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Thank you for that Kelly, I made a huge step today, got a sponsor and committed to 90 meetings in 90 days, either zoom or in person. I have to get my life back. How are you doing tonight?
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I'm so happy for you. I'm facing a breakup but not terribly upset over it. I'm sort of in the same boat as you that way. I had some serious clarity tonight in how alcohol killed my Dad 10 years too soon (even though he was sober for 20 years, my Aunt died a few months ago, my brother has been estranged for 15 years. I mean Def have to take this seriously you know?
How are you tonight? It's good to be sober.
Yes Kelly, I’m really sorry, alcohol is just so destructive and even though we know this, we still venture down the path until it has us in its trap. I’m so glad you are sober! I was totally emotionally exhausted after yesterday but I didn’t drink, didn’t want to. Up at 5am to go mountain biking before work! I will stay sober today.
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My boyfriend and I broke up. I loved him very much. Very much. I grieve him every day but his path was different than mine. I can't drink and he knew I couldn't stay sober with his drinking. My sponsor tells me I'll feel different as I heal. It's been 30 days today that I stopped drinking and about a month and half since he has been gone and I do feel differently and as I grow and heal and learn about myself I will continue to feel differently. None of us know what the future will be but we allnhave our own path to find and take.
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I hate to ask the obvious but here goes... does his drinking make you struggle drinking? Are you enabling his drinking? Are you harming the two of you by being there?
Hooray!!!!
I had to get a divorce to get sober. Thankfully we are friendly but she still is a heavy drinker (functional and a good mom, but I couldn’t live that way anymore). That’s the worst case. If it doesn’t trigger you and things are good than carry on. It’s your sobriety if it works, continue. If he understands and is supportive then you are very lucky. Best wishes
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