How do you fix relationships that have been ruined because of alcoholism and loss of trust?
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Time, space, you have to work a program. But remember brother, us addicts aren’t wired the same, from my experience the hard part is expecting a normie to pat us on the back and forgive our behaviors after a bit of clean time. Repairing broken relationships is going to take time, and it may not happen at all. If you walked 40 miles into the woods, it’s still a 40 mile hike back. Easy does it and you must be selfish in your recovery. I’m fortunate to have saved my relationship, but it’s not 100 percent and it’s still taking daily work. Reach out anytime and if not doing so already get in AA meetings and get a sponsor! This is the only reason I’m able to share my advice now. My program and dedication to sobriety is saving my life as I know it.
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I wished I knew. Our brokened marriage is beyond repair. At ages 70 and 72 neither of us is leaving, but I wish you the best of luck!
If you are in a 12 step program, the Ninth Step is about making amends with people we’ve hurt in our addiction. Our loved ones have heard us apologize, declare that we’ll change, etc. What they need to see is our footwork - and a change in our personality. It takes time. And trust? Trust is earned, which takes even more time. But if you keep doing the next right thing, stay sober one day at a time, and work a program that changes you from the inside-out - it will happen.
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Yes I’ll agree with Thomas above, but I’ll just say generally that working the steps prepared me for making amends, because it taught me to live a good life with honesty and integrity which made fixing up my past so much easier.
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I lost everything due to my alcoholism. Trust, self respect, but most of all my queen who just couldn't take my behavior anymore. I don't blame her at all and take full responsibility of my actions. I just wish there was a way to let her know I've changed and have her allow me another chance at love. No body said getting sober was easy and that sobriety will fix everything.
My experience has been similar to Daniel’s reply above. From the very beginning my sponsor has drilled their term “living amends” into my thick skull. My family didn’t want to hear any more apologies. The first month was almost unbearable. I couldn’t have done it without all the help, love, and support I received from my brothers in AA. Little by little I’m regaining the trust of my wife and children. I work very hard at my sobriety. I work very hard on my mental health. They see and appreciate my actions. It’s not always pretty, but it’s working. It’s definitely a process.
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Stay sober for a while. Gain credibility.
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