How do you know if you should move on or

Struggling Help
#1

How do you know if you should move on or try to make things work with a partner who is continuing to drink?

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#2

I think it depends on the person. For me it doesn’t bother me. I was the one with the alcohol problem. I don’t expect the world to change bc I had to. But once again…. That’s just me!

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#3

I agree with Adam. It depends. For me as long as boundaries are set by both people and they are not crossed. But communication is absolutely critical for it to work.

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#4

Depends on what type of drinker they are. One thing to consider is what frequency you were operating at when the two of you gravitated towards one another. When I drank, I dated drinkers. So if I got sober while seeing someone (I’ve stopped & started plenty) the relationship suffered because drinking was OUR thing & I changed. Now that I’m sober I really have no interest in dating a problem drinker. I prefer peace. Good luck. Follow your gut.

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#5

Peace is precious!! Thank you :slight_smile: :pray:

#6

I had an alcoholic girlfriend and it was rough. I would not chose that today for sure. The person needs to be drug free for a while for me.

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#7

Unfortunately it sounds like you already know the answer to that question. IMO, nothing i mean nothing stops true love !!

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#8

I think that you need to put you first and foremost in your recovery. Our recovery's are all different, but if my journey has taught me anything, it's that I didn't really know who I was. When in a relationship, especially earlier on in your recovery, emotions will go haywire, the highest of highs and the lowest of lows until you are able to handle, cope with, understand the whole spectrum of what emotions you have inside of you. The more time sober, the more your emotions will reveal themselves, then they will grow and develop because you are starting to have a much better relationship with yourself. I would not tell you to move on or not move on, that is a choice completely up to you, but I just wanted to share that sober emotions (because we avoided them, blocked them out, and even blacked them the eff out instead of facing them and understanding them) can be hard for anyone in recovery, and can be a rollercoaster while they are developing. Understanding what risks you may be putting your self and your recovery in, is hugely important. I wish you knowledge, wisdom and strength with whatever path you take

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#9

I think you kinda answered your own question. If your gut is telling you something 9/10 it's right. That little voice is your higher power.

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#10

I had an alcoholic girlfriend who blamed me for her drinking to her church friends and had me believing I caused her to drink. Turns out her mother and daughter said she was an alcoholic long before me. Every time I got sober, she continued to drink around me at night until she passed out, and I would eventually join in relapse after resisting. We broke up, and she attributed our break up to her church friends to my drinking. Now I have stopped and she is calling me up drunk and is trying to draw me back in. I am 35 days sober and the draw back is hard to resist, but so far so good and is making me miserable.

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#11

I'm almost 3 months sober. I said for awhile idc if other ppl drink it won't bother me. But the truth is it does bother me. Just like I wouldn't date someone prior because they didn't drink and I thought they would be boring and no fun. Or I'd be too much for them to handle.
I'm learning now I'd rather not be around it. I don't see dating anyone who drinks. My only exception I feel like if he wanted to go out with his guy friends and I wasn't around. Outta sight outta mind I guess.

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#12

I am so grateful that you took the time to write that.. I did choose to break it off and am entering a treatment program… safe place for all the crazy emotions lol thank you - hope you are doing well :heart:

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#13

Yeah, I realized it bothered me more than I thought it would, too.. good for you being strong! 3 months is amazing!

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#14

I’m so sorry, that sounds so hurtful.. good for you being so strong!

#15

I was in the same boat. I had to move on after living together for four years. She wouldn’t stop drinking, and I kept relapsing being around her. It sucks.

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#16

I’m so sorry… it’s so hard- I understand.. sending you a hug

#17

Thank you for your update, I am glad you shared with me! I hope your treatment program goes well! Enter with an open mind, admit to yourself you know you can learn more, and remember there are no stupid questions when it comes to your recovery and your life, so make sure to ask away :heart:

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#18

Thanks Nici. Good luck with yours. Mine is an alcoholic and will admit that when she’s drunk, but doesn’t remember it when she wakes up sober and then goes berserk when I try to talk to her about stopping. She just won’t or can’t do it right now four herself, her 16 year old daughter who is beside herself and has confronted her about it multiple times, or me. I had to move out and get to a safe place for me. She still calls me drunk several times a week. Nothing I can do about it. She has to do it herself.

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#19

I suggest that you come up with an ultimatum. Sometimes when we handle things in love rather than in anger we can make a substantial difference in someone hearing our cry for tem to recover.

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#20

I learned from my last relationship that I can’t be with someone who drinks almost every time we spend time together. Once in a while is fine, but all the time is a different story. I’ve worked to hard to get where I am to put myself in a situation where I put that on the line.

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