How is it you can stay clean for so many years, and just like that, you've relapsed. WHY? All those years sober and clean, wasted.
3 Likes
We get well and think we can be earth people. Also, stop going to meetings and stop fellowshipping. Also, we step away from our higher power and take our will back.
2 Likes
Good Morning Shonna. I can relate to your frustration. 105 days ago I was slamming my fists against the shower walls in despair…yelling at myself WHY…HOW! I got clean and sober in 1989 when I was 24. I stayed that way until 2016. I was (still am a little) very frustrated with myself because I knew better. To start all over again was so humiliating! HOWEVER, I’ve come to realize over the past few months that it wasn’t all wasted. I’m not saying I’m happy about all this, but I’m beginning to forgive myself and accept that I have a disease that I need to address on a daily basis. I had lost my connection to recovery many years before I picked up again. Anyway, it’s not all wasted. At least it doesn’t have to be. I learned some incredible lessons with this relapse. I’m finally getting the help I should’ve gotten years ago, but I was too busy starting a family and my career. This relapse has humbled me to the point where I’m willing to dig much deeper into getting to the roots of some of my underlying issues. So while you may be picking up your white chip and starting your count over, you carry with you all the wisdom and experience from your previous years of sobriety. You may not feel that way at this moment, but I promise that you will feel differently in a few months. You also have a special gift that you can share with others. There are many people with a number of years that need a wake up call that this can happen to them too. I share my relapse in hopes that I can prevent someone from going thru what I had to go thru. Hang in there! The shame of this relapse will eventually lift. The wreckage you caused can be healed in time. You have so much wisdom to share with others. Give yourself a break. This is a nasty disease, but getting back into recovery can be a beautiful thing. 
5 Likes
All those years clean are NOT wasted. They show you it can be done by yourself! You have invaluable lessons gained during those years. Just pivot right back to it. We are human, it happens. It’s better to be sober again and say, ‘remember that time I slipped up?’ than to stay in hell and say, ‘remember that time I was sober?’ You got this. 
5 Likes
You have to do it one day at a time every day don’t beat yourself up about it you’ve got the knowledge you’ve been doing it and you’ve lived through this relapse, remember that.. cuz some of us don’t, thank god and get back to it… it’s only wasted if you stay wasted
I had 11 years. 11 beautiful years with my kids being a mom doing things that you are supposed to do. But I relapsed way before I put drugs in my body. I started bringing people around I knew were bad for me. Crossing lines that I knew I shouldn't. Not working any program or believing in anything. Stopped taking my medications to keep my psychiatric conditions in check and then told myself the only way my life would work again is if I started to self medicate like I did when I was a teenager. I totally tricked myself into believing it was my only way out of dealing with mental health issues. People mess up. It doesn't matter how much clean time you have if you aren't doing what's necessary to stay where you need to be you will end up right back where you started. It took my addiction 5 years to talk me back into relapse but it happened. Just take care of yourself and do whatever necessary to keep yourself together and safe and sober!
2 Likes
Those years are not a waste! I relapsed after 10 years AF. I had to relearn that I should never drink again. Those 10 dry years gave me confidence going forward in recovery. I knew I could do it again. One month drinking since 2007 is alright with me!
1 Like
It is never a waste. It’s just more learning.
1 Like
I know exactly what you mean. I had 22 years sober. But I don’t believe I really thought that I was a alcoholic. I was fine with being a drug addict. I know that was part of the reason for my relapse. But My recovery this time around is so different. Going on 4 years on December 9. I can say now I am doing whatever it takes to stay sober. I know myself better than I have ever. I actually like the person I am. But the most important thing that I am very aware. I always need to be willing, humble and honest with myself especially. Today I can say but by the Grace of God I have serenity and peace. I am so grateful for that. Yes it turns out I am not crazy like to believed I was