How to Stop Overthinking Before It Becomes Uncontrollable
Here’s what to do every day to keep self-defeating thoughts at bay
Darshak Rana · Aug 4, 2022
“My mind has been the most discontented and restless one that was ever put into a body too small for
it.” — John Keats
Is your mind too big for your body?
I don’t mean that literally, of course. Your mind can’t be too big for your body. It has to fit inside your
head.
But your thinking? There can be way too much of that. You can think yourself in circles; you can think
yourself into a corner. You can, if it really gets away on you, even think yourself into madness.
People in therapy often describe themselves as “overthinkers”. They’ll see it negatively, as something
they need to stop. I spend too much time in my head. I can’t shut down the mental chat. I can’t sleep. I’m
exhausted. My brain is driving me crazy.
Yes, excessive thinking can chew you up and spit you out, but thinking itself is not the problem. It’s the
fear it stirs up: What if I said the wrong thing? What if I’m a bad person? What if I’m really boring? What
if I never get over her? What if my boss hates me? What if I make the wrong decision AND it ruins my
life?
Here are the classic signs of an overthinker:
• You obsess about failing at things (e.g. work, relationships, parenting, sports and competitive
events, social interactions, friendship).
• Your mind goes into overdrive (making you anxious) when things are uncertain.
• You desperately seek solutions that will make you feel in control.
• Your thoughts come at you in the night, frequently disrupting sleep and leaving you exhausted.
• You struggle to make decisions because of the maze in your head.
• You can’t fully enjoy things because of your tendency to over-analyse.
• Your excitement of the future is overridden by fear of what MIGHT happen.
• When you’ve been hurt or let down you go over and over (and around and around) it, trying to
work out what happened and why.
• You struggle to let go of everything and anything.
The other problem is the inactivity that goes with the thinking. When we’re stuck in our heads we can
fail to act. We feel scared or we shut down or can’t make a decision. And that can lead us to nestle in on
the couch and live life up in our heads.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. Overthinking can be reframed, and managed, to work in your favour.
Maybe You’re Creative? Or Intelligent?
The first step is to reframe your overthinking. There’s nothing wrong with thinking a lot. Thinking can
lead to big ideas and innovative solutions. Some of the finest inventions in history came from relentless
thinkers.
You don’t hear the great philosophers or inventors saying “I overthought that” because of course they
did. Everything begins with a thought. And then a whole lot more piled on top of that.
Is it normal?
Did you know that 73% of 25–35 year-olds, 52% of 45–55 year-olds, and 20% of 65–75-year-olds
overthink daily?
Experts say these statistics are enough to declare “overthinking” an epidemic in America.
Whenever I wrote a blog post, I got caught up in overthinking, “What if my writing has flaws? What if no
one reads? I should not publish it.”
I often found myself entangled in that never-ending loop of self-doubts.
Overthinking had hijacked my brain to such an extent that it made me restless over inconsequential
matters — If I saw someone drop litter on the streets, my mind would yell, “Don’t they know how to keep
clean? Why would people throw trash wherever they like? Why don’t we have stricter laws?”
The vicious cycle of self-defeating thoughts often sped up.
My mind would slip into the auto-thinking mode, making me feel low — emotionally, mentally,
physically, and psychologically.
Even 19 degrees Celsius room temperature made me sweat bullets.
That’s when I realized the gravity of overthinking and started looking for answers.
“Nothing can harm you as much as your own thoughts unguarded.” ~ Buddha
I had to regulate overthinking. I had to save my brain to function better.
I dove into the internet, books, and research to find a better way.
Though I implemented many techniques, I will share the ones that helped me the most. I am sure it will
help you too.
- Don’t Call Overthinking “Normal”
I lost self-control over my thoughts when I couldn’t get a job for six months after relocating to Canada.
Night and day, 24/7, I thought, “I am a failure. What will I do with my life? I should not have come to
Canada….”
Owing to this overthinking, I was stressed. I felt restless. Darkness filled my life.
I realized: Overthinking is not the byproduct of anxiety and depression; it’s the cause.
Whoever, I met added fuel to the fire.
Everyone validated my overthinking, “It’s normal to think like that, but you’ll be fine.”
No one enlightened me, “How was I going to feel better if I couldn’t stop overthinking?”
One day, I overate and suffered from food poisoning. I had to see a doctor.
When I asked him if it was a normal case of food poisoning, he gave me a stern look and asked, “Is
overeating normal?”
I paused for a minute and answered, “I guess, no!”
He replied, “Then, how can anything be normal if you don’t do anything normal!”
I didn’t find him arrogant as he woke me up from the sleep of ignorance.
I realized my belief was wrong. “Overthinking is NOT normal.”
If overthinking doesn’t make me feel normal, happy, peaceful, and energetic, it isn’t normal.
Just because everyone overthinks doesn’t mean it’s normal.
Forty-fifty years ago, peace, happiness, love, and harmony were considered normal. Everyone used to
live by those virtues. Then times changed. We accumulated too much on our plates to fulfill our wants.
To justify our lifestyle changes, we normalized stress, chaos, violence, crime, etc.
But that didn’t serve the purpose either.
Instead of doing something about our wrong beliefs, we started to live with them and blamed external
situations for our mental discomfort.
We became more prone to overthinking and hypertension. It made us look powerless in the hands of
adversities.
Owing to this wrong mindset, we sought happiness only in happy moments and cursed our failures. - Write Your Thoughts
When my mind wouldn’t stop thinking, I used to write it down on a piece of paper. It helped me organize
my thoughts and see them from a third-person perspective.
It gave me clarity as I realized how foolish some of my overthinking was. For example:
If I had an argument with someone, instead of thinking about what I should have said, I wrote down the
situation and my thoughts.
Then I asked myself, “If this was someone else’s story, what would you tell him/her?”
It worked like magic as it gave me an unbiased perspective. Moreover, it also helped me understand that
some of my thoughts were completely useless and unproductive.
Writing gives you a chance to control your thoughts. You can direct them instead of them controlling
you.
You can also use this approach when you overthink a situation that has already passed. It will help you
deal with regrets and resentment. - Talk It Out
There were times when I used to overthink so much that my head would ache. I would get a headache,
and it would feel like there was a storm going on in my head.
That’s when I started talking to myself. It might sound weird, but it works like a charm.
When you talk to yourself, you get to hear your own voice, and it has a calming effect.
Moreover, it also helps you reason with your thoughts.
You can also talk to a friend or family member if you feel comfortable. Just make sure that the person is
patient and non-judgmental. - Sandwich “Intentional Pauses” Into Your Daily Routine
We live in turbulent times when every hour, a piece of disturbing news hits us.
And by the end of the day, the mental pressure implodes, causing migraines, stress, sleepless nights, etc.
That’s why intentional pauses can do wonders.
Before I explain what it is, I ask you, “Why do we greet each other “Hi… Hello… How are you?”
Your answer would be, “Duh…To greet, to express respect, to ensure everyone’s okay!”
Exactly!
Then why don’t we follow the same practice with ourselves?
I ask myself every hour or two, “Hi Darshak, how are you? Is there anything troubling you?”
I then take a five-ten-minute break from my work. I sit down and relax in my chair, closing my eyes. I take
deep breaths and talk to myself in my thoughts. If anything bothers me, I offer suggestions.
It’s like convincing a child not to have extra candy. You can’t deny a child’s wish, but you can always
acknowledge and distract them by tricking them.
I do the same.
I let go of all the waste thoughts by addressing them.
I accept my thoughts; it’s okay to have waste thoughts. By acknowledging it, I find the source of
overthinking to replace them with positive thoughts.
I give plenty of reasons to think something else. I counter every waste thought with a positive thought.
I often club it with one-minute meditation offered by an “Insight Timer” app on my iPhone.
A research study in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology validates this technique:
“Such meditative practices help you experience positive emotions by decreasing the depressive illness
symptoms.
With regular practice, one can remain mentally, and emotionally stable despite the change in external
circumstances. (This effect is called the hedonic treadmill.)”
Initially, it might sound weird and impractical, but you’ll see miraculous results once you try it.
Intentional pauses have helped me address overthinking at its initial stage. This activity hardly takes five-
ten minutes, but it saves the day.
Also, it sucks so much mental energy, even if you overthink for five minutes.
That brings me to my next important strategy, "bedtime reflection.” - End Your Day With A New Mental Programming
“A mind is like a parachute. It doesn’t work if it is not open.”
— Frank Zappa
I have taken this quote very seriously in my life.
Some time ago, I had creative differences with my colleague at work. Holding onto that ego made me
overthink. I couldn’t accept that the team sidelined my “better idea.” Though I pacified myself through
intentional pauses (described above), I wasted a lot of mental energy and time before that.
That night I reflected upon my weaknesses — Being unable to cooperate by holding onto some
prejudices is also a weakness.
I had to get rid of it. I can not afford to waste my “thinking power” by overthinking a triviality. My mental
peace is more valuable than my idea getting approved.
Since then, I ask myself only three questions every night: -
-
- What went well, and what went bad throughout the day?
Why didn’t it go well; Was there anything I could have done right?
How can I make a better tomorrow by reducing overthinking?
The answer to the first question makes everything crystal clear. It opens every layer of my mind. I release
everything.
When I work on the second question, I keep aside my ego. Answering this question with a detached
perspective makes me aware of my weaknesses and wrongdoings (at the thought and action level).
Then, I reflect on what right I could have done to avert that mental damage. “Should I have kept quiet?
Should I have accepted everything with a pinch of salt?”
I also try to weigh “what if” scenarios. “What if I had thought differently? What if I had acted differently?
What could have been the outcome if I had chosen a different response?”
Then coming to the last question, I offer suggestions.
I advise myself, “If any similar situation arises tomorrow (which is likely), I will hold onto my mental
peace. For that, I will keep calm. I will cooperate and accept the situation as it is. I will remain light-
hearted.”
This suggestion isn’t toxic positivity but new programming of the mind.
You might be thinking I am tricking my mind. Indeed I am.
But, I have experienced that whenever I suggested “an action plan to my mind,” I had “clear thinking” in
an unfavorable situation.
Your mind often gets clogged by prejudices, arrogance, false mindsets, superiority complexes, and many
other dust particles of false notions. They don’t allow your minds to accept better thoughts.
You overthink when you can’t hold onto one thought. So, through this mental programming, I was able
to achieve that. I was able to choose a “better-thought response.”
Later, I tried this programming technique with insults, road rages, tailgating incidents, etc., and it
worked.
I programmed my mind that an insult is just a perception. Not a reality. Nothing to do with me. If
someone tailgates, they have an emergency (catch a flight or go to a hospital); nothing personal.
Scientists have proved that your brain doesn’t identify between a real and an imaginary.
That’s why programming the mind in advance can give you an upper edge to have the correct thought
response in unfavorable situations.
Karma Ragye has mentioned in his book, “Open awareness open mind”:
To become masters in any field, we need to analyze our strengths and weaknesses consistently, in
addition to practice.
Final Thoughts
Overthinking is a mental habit. A cycle of recurrent thoughts.
To break this cycle, you need to understand its root cause and work on it. You should develop some
techniques like building a thought log, practicing self-compassion, etc., which can help you to curb
overthinking.
I have shared my experience of how I stopped overthinking by mental programming. You can give it a try
and see for yourself whether it works for you or not.
Whatever technique you choose, the key is to be patient and consistent with it. Don’t give up too soon. It
takes time to develop new habits. Keep going until you make it a part of your life.
Do you have any other tips on how to stop overthinking? Please share in the comments below.
5 Quick Cures For Overthinking You've Not Tried Before | by Darshak Rana | Awesome Human Beings
If you found this story useful, consider signing up for my friendly letter — a conversation jam-packed
with motivation and practical takeaways for the most important person in your life — YOU!
Opening page from this article: Medium
high-wired-mind-63c948750645
- What went well, and what went bad throughout the day?
-