Day 131 (4 months, 9 days):
This past weekend was a personally significant milestone as I spent time in Philly (Philadelphia for those who may not be familiar) for a family event. I’m originally from Philly and have a number of uncles, aunts, siblings, cousins, nephews, nieces, and extended family there.
The majority of my familial patterns of interaction have largely involved drinking and smoking (blunts and joints). In fact, this weekend was probably the first time in years I didn’t have a drink or smoke while being in the city.
It was a milestone because it affirmed that I can have fun, enjoy being with family, be present to my experiences and interactions, and it not be lame. It was also affirming in that I am forging a mountain of self-trust within me that I can direct myself past any compulsions or inclinations to drink regardless of the environment.
It was an illustration to myself that I can shatter patterns/habits of being that are not serving despite the familiarity or comfort of them. I walked into the weekend like Clark Kent and flew outta there with an S on my chest!
As I observed others indulging throughout the course of the day there was a sense of relief that I knew I’d be able to wake up the next morning hangover-free. This made me reflect on how many conditions in my life that were not serving but I accepted.
How much have I accepted, outside of hangovers and being overly-inebriated, in my life’s journey that was not serving because I had a tendency to accept degeneracy in my relationship with drugs and alcohol?
Was there a correlation? Was there a how you do anything is how you do everything dynamic that has been challenging my ability to fully thrive?
I’m more convicted now, than ever before, in my capacity to direct my relationship with alcohol rather than alcohol directing me. This conviction extends beyond my relationship with alcohol but to the autonomy over my life as well.
Feels like a rebirth . . . 
