Hum drum

Recovery
#1

I don't feel as bitterly pessimistic as I felt when I moved back to NJ in february of this year.

I am still having problem after problem arise in my life but at least it isnt a storm of issues reigning down on me all at once.

I never really prayed as much as I do now. It is part of step 11 for AA and now that I am on step 12, I am continually putting it into practice. It does help ease my mind. I dont know if it is actually creating any positive changes in my life except for the occasionally ease it brings me when I am stressed out.

I dont know if i really undersfand or believe in its power yet. People talk of its miraculous abilities. Thats yet to be determind. I still do not know who or what god is. I do thank god and ask him to allow me to do his will for him though - which like i said is sort of strange when I dont even know who or what it is. It kind of makes me nervous but I am willing to try anything to relieve me of this despair and fear. And to hopefully turn my life into one i am happy to live.

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#2

Nice to hear the dark clouds are lifting. I don’t really have a definition of god. It’s more of a god as I don’t understand him/her/it/they. I do believe in power(s) greater than myself, and I’m ok with not knowing or defining these powers. Some days I’m perfectly fine with not knowing. Other days I’m jealous of others who speak of god with such conviction.
Nonetheless, life is better when I’m in conscious contact with a power greater than myself. I only have to be responsible for things I can control. We can work the 12 steps if we can keep an open mind.

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#3

This is a beautiful post. I love the fact that you’re moving into an area of trust. Just keep going.

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#4

My HP gives me peace of mind. When I gave up control and admitted I'm truly powerless over this addiction and surrendered to my HP is when I started healing. Didn't happen overnight