Today is day one... again... for what seems like every day for the last month. Fell off the wagon 3 years ago when my dad died and i cant seem to climb back on. I want to crawl in a hole and rot. My kids deserve better than me. Help. Im drowning
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Maybe a treatment center is something to consider consider? 
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You did it before, really take a look at what your are feeling at the worst moments and write it down and look at it later when you are a bit clearer.you will see what you need to become the man and father you want to be. Maybe a treatment program is a good beginning to becoming that man.
Good morning James. I hear you. This addiction is a beast. Once it gets a hold of you, it takes away your power of choice. We do our best to control it, but the truth is it controls us. Go get yourself some help. If you found out you had some other illness that was destroying your life and family, you’d go get help. This is no different my brother. No shame in getting help. The shame comes from not getting help. You can do it. Make that choice today. Then get help to keep making that choice every morning one day at a time
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Nothing changes if nothing changes.
Get to a meeting, rehab, or detox. Whatever one applies to your current situation.
There is a solution to your problem. But you must take the action to change.
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Get serious and get help.
Nothing worth having @ all, frfr, is fast and easy coming. I say: DON'T GIVE UP! Honestly, genuinely, and sincerely: I, pretty much, am in the same boat.
Good luck! God bless! Know: you are NEVER alone, in anything.