I am addicted to failure
Why do you feel like you are a failure?
You think you are addicted to failure, but what you are really addicted to is drama. The drama leads to failure on personal and professional levels.
How are you, Rose?
Sometimes things are beyond your understanding until you have an epiphany out of the blue and the sudden insight transforms your life. Read Biology of Belief.
Get on the Dave Ramsey plan
Ditto