I am early in recovery... 3 months sober and I

Recovery
#1

I am early in recovery... 3 months sober and I need advice.
While I was in rehab the one I love and care about was out going to strip clubs. Matter of fact yesterday when he came to see me on his motorcycle he stopped off at the club on his way here. I guess he felt bad about it and finally told me. He figured I would get mad I am assuming but I held back my emotions completely. I am getting really good at doing this with him and it is sad. Internally I am feeling hurt, sad and lied to. We were together for 3 years and he was my rock. We are supposed to be moving up north together come September. Anyways... after he told me I acted like it didn't hurt me. He asked if I wanted to go for a ride on his motorcycle and get ice cream. I said no but I needed a ride to Walgreens to get my scripts so he brought me there and dropped me off.
All night last night I was up every hour thinking about it. I usually wake up at 4AM to start my day and my routine. Not today. I slept until 10 because I was up thinking about us and how I feel he just doesn't love me anymore. Like he feels bad for me so he helps me?? I never wanted to fall for another man the way I fell for him. Now I just don't know how to feel anymore. I got sober for myself and for my kids. I have a bad leg injury that prevents me from doing alot of the things I used to do. Plus I have no license or vehicle to roam around and enjoy my freedom like he does. I know he has lied to me about more stuff. But I am afraid to ask him in fear he'll just leave me completely. I never have felt this way. I just don't know how to feel anymore. I could go on forever about everything but I won't.

Any advice would be so helpful. Thank you in advance...

I just need a friend. Someone that cares about me. And that won't lie. I know thats hard to find. I am an honest person, so I find it easy to be true...

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23 Likes
#3

Take it easy on yourself. Letting go of the things you can’t control takes practice and time.

1 Like
#4

Hey, sorry to hear about all you’re going through. Recovery is a beautiful thing and it’s hard when we face betrayal like that. I’ve been dealing with it too. You did the right thing by getting help, and you can always be proud of that. When I got out of rehab I had to face the hard truth that the outside world wasn’t just waiting for me, and some would come against me. It can be mind boggling!

The one thing you can’t do is betray yourself! Boundaries are important, and you are strong enough and worth having them!

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#5

You are #1. You need to set boundaries or you just setting up for failure. Trust me I been there

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#6

I'm sorry you're going through this. I had to walk away from my partner after treatment. I tried for months before I finally realized she wasn't ready the way I wanted us to be together without the drugs. It was probably the hardest thing since I've got out of treatment to do but as each day goes by it is getting a little bit easier for me to accept.We are worth so much more than the life we had before. I hope you find the right answer to do the right thing.Prey to your higher power and let what is meant to happen, happen. I think in your heart you know the right thing to do.Dont throw away everything you've worked for to get where you are now.Good luck and you can text me anytime if you need a friend who understands.

2 Likes
#7

Thank you all for your help and words of wisdom :pray:

1 Like
#8

Sometimes god or if you choose higher power does for us that we can’t do for ourselves. I think I’ll let go and let god. I can’t afford to relapse so I choose to be around people with integrity. If I’m willing let go of my old behavior I have found my perceptions change. I wish you well. You doing great. Sober and on your way to a great life.

#9

Acceptance. Your kids shouldn’t learn that is ok

#10

Sorry to hear. Going through rough relationship too. Staying sober through it is my only option. I can’t go back. I hope you stay strong and do things for yourself. I know sometimes it sounds selfish but that’s what we gotta do, take care of ourselves first and everything else will come easier. Just my thoughts. I hope this helps… message anytime to talk or I can listen…

#11

It's funny how some of these concepts stick with us from rehab . The one for me was radical acceptance . Two of my oldest friends pulled a fast one on me ... I got arrested 3 times retaliating over it . But u know what ? There comes a time to quit fighting it because all it was doing was increasing my own resentments/angst/frustration . It was affecting everything . It doesn't mean condoning it just recognizing it as reality . And moving on . It wasn't easy though it took a little time . Just hang in there

#12

Congratulations on your success and I’m sorry to hear about your relationship but with time things will work out for you both and as far as needing friends every one on here is your friend if you need someone to talk to don’t hesitate to reach out

#13

As someone who has gone through recovery and works with other women in recovery, best thing for you to recover is not to be in a relationship until you recover and can choose a healthy relationship. I’m only saying this from my own experience. :pray:t3:

4 Likes
#15

Whoa, that's a lot to go through. Stay strong.
Love yourself.
Hmu anytime

#16

@chelsea374496 I agree :100:% with @sueellen349362. Recover and concentrate on yourself first and not be in a relationship. Once you recover then choose a healthy relationship.
If Evil Knievel is stopping off at "strip clubs" more than likely he's grabbing a drink and would rather look at other girls. (I'm just putting two and two together.)
If he's showing up on his bicycle intoxicated and you're getting on it. You're only subscribing to self-destructive behavior. That is really unhealthy and is one of many reasons why people relapse.
You asked for advice... Here you go. . .

  1. Stay away from him. If he's going to "strip clubs" then he's not in to you,
  2. Work on yourself. You come first.
  3. Get some sobriety under your belt and watch the relationships that build up around you.

I wish you luck as you trudge the road to a happy destiny.

3 Likes
#18

Move forward with your life sweetheart..
Your heart tells you everything..
Follow your heart :heart:

#19

While I was getting sober I found out that I my husband of 18 years had a girlfriend who was also a friend of ours. This was unacceptable to me but very difficult to navigate because of our kids and the fact that we had known each other for 25 years, since v I was 17! But letting him go was one of the absolute best things that I have ever done. God willing I will celebrate 20 years sober next month and am living a life beyond my wildest dreams- as promised! I wouldn’t have made it here without the support of my sponsor and Alcoholics Anonymous family.

4 Likes
#20

I relapsed after 13 years now 6 months. Looking for friendship

1 Like
#21

You deserve better and remember a dead battery can’t charge another dead battery so stay away from people who can’t charge your spirit when you need a jump. Keep your head up and keep keeping on a day at a time

2 Likes
#23

I agree

#24

I bet if you focus more on your love for yourself instead of his, his heart will return back to you :heavy_heart_exclamation:

1 Like