I am feeling low
Reset for the 4th time this wk
Feeling suicidal ( warning -triggering)
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Please don’t give up.
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Sometimes we are in the midsts of the troubling part of the story we see no way out of the woods, but there is sunlight peaking through attempt to not lose sight of that .
Hi Carline. I’m glad your here with us. What you are going thru is something many of us alcoholic/addicts have gone thru before we got clean and sober. You are no different than us. I stopped a lot. I just couldn’t stay stopped. I tried so many times and fought this disease for a long time, until one day I finally surrendered to the fact that I can’t control this beast and needed help. Have you ever done treatment, or tried any recovery program? Even if you have, I suggest you give it another go. There’s no shame in giving up and getting help. Your just sick. Please get some help
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I do not know of any recovery program
Trying to stop on your own will most likely end like it does for the majority of us…complete demoralization and self loathing. The truth is you’re just sick. You’re not bad, evil, weak, or anything else. You’re just sick. Please do yourself a favor and look into addiction treatment near you. Depending on your financial situation, you may be able to get some assistance. Do you have a family member or dear friend that can help you look? Don’t give up hope. There is a way out of this. Recovery and a happy life can be had
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Highs and lows are apart of it, I think of it this way it’s better to be unwell and sober rather thn unwell and drunk. Don’t get discouraged please hold on! Do something physical it will release the same hormones a drink would *
Carline, welcome! Recovering is nearly impossible by oneself. There are countless 12 Step meetings online and in person. You are NOT alone. We are not unique either. Please reach out in your area. There are helplines.
Don’t give up!! You are not alone. 
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If your issue in stopping is withdrawal, you should consider a medical detox. I could never stop by myself one those symptoms started creeping up and I couldn't sleep, I would cave. Medical detox is like being in a hospital bed and they give you a bunch of meds to counter the withdrawal and to sleep...for 3-4 days. They are all over and take virtually any insurance including Medicaid/Medicare. The one I was at would even admit you through ER if there were issues on that front. They'll actually even sign you up while there if need be. Just Google ones close to you and pick one with best reviews is all I did ( I don't know your location). I detoxed in hospital for other issues twice, once in jail, and once with medical detox. The latter is a godsend in comparison. It sounds like you need help to quit like most of us and that, medical detox, has been the most help I've ever found. Good luck. Keep fighting