What matters is not what you did yesterday but what you do today. Being present in one's life is truly a gift. You have that. You are here. Let your gratitude outweigh your regrets.
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I was sober for almost 9 yrs when I relapsed. It cost me 3 yrs of oblivion. You're not the first and won't be the last.
When we are thinking about drinking, we are being fed the "Big Lie." That this time, everything will be okay. But it never is, is it?
We have to play the scene forward. What happens if you pick up a drink? You might feel some relief for a short period of time, but sooner or later, you will be right back where you are right now carrying around much more shame, realizing that you accomplished absolutely nothing.
Do you have phone numbers of people who have been sober for a long time?
Are you using them?
The best thing you can do, Jane is change your sobriety date and move forward.
It's frustrating when we fail, but you still have hope. Keep going to meetings.
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Feeling okay today
Thank you very much!
Thank you. Yes, gratitude list really helps a lot
You're welcome!
90 in 90 is a good idea. Go back through the steps. Was there something that you maybe did in”half measures”? I know for me it was simply forgetting the first step, forgetting that I am powerless over alcohol. The book also tells me that there will come a time when I have no defense against the first drink. That’s when I have to ask for help. That’s the 2nd and 3rd step.
Just my experience. Hope it helps.
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Just get back and get honest with yourself and may you find god now
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Tim you said it best… @jane128340 … you have to really dig deep and find the real reason you drink. 
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Matt that’s my problem for sure. I always keep that stupid reservations that maybe some day…
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I only know that because I’ve been there.
“Let go absolutely” is the thing.
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It’s so hard to start again. My dream is reach 1 year of sobriety and maybe things will become easier. For now it’s hard. Each time something happens - I think to go and get drunk. With knowledge what I am an alcoholic!!
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I know it’s scary, but once you do, it becomes different. It is a faith thing, trusting the process. Has the process, even if worked in half measures improved things for you? Could this be even better if fully embraced and practiced? Maybe?
If the answer is yes to either then you have a direction to move in. Ask/pray for the willingness and see what happens.
I suggest you work the steps to the best of your ability one day at a time. I don’t view sobriety as a long term goal. Like the book says all I have is a daily reprieve, based upon my spiritual condition.
The only place I can be is right here right now, today where my feet are.
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First of all welcome back don't be to hard on yourself I'm not a one chip wonder.We don't shoot our wounded.Get back into the program and let the women love you until you can love yourself.
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Thanks love. Yes. I am feeling resentful now to chips. No more chips
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Matt so much wisdom in your words. I really love that. Yes. I need to be focused on today. Not thinking about tomorrow sobriety
Hey hope your ok don’t give up it gets easier on 
Most of us have slipped more than once, but it doesn't mean we will continue to do so. For a new perspective that changed my life, check out Alan Carr's quit drinking without willpower book. I think you'll really like it.
I didn’t get the first time but I kept coming back until finally I just decided to stay I’ll pray for you