I am on day 65 after having a small lapse after making it almost five months. I want so bad for this to be my forever sober date this time but it’s been such battle in my mind , I still see it so hard to believe I will never drink again. That fact that I was a total functioning alcoholic with nothing real bad happening( yes I know yet) And I am so lonely and bored which is a huge trigger for me. I am also with my three year old all day so I can’t just go do something else my day is filled with coloring , bike rides , walk to the park, hanging at the pool . ( so I find myself thinking I could have a little buzz and be funner and more in the mood to play at the park and no harm because we walked here and I wouldn’t get drunk anyways …. it’s so dumb to think I’m going to relapse because I’m bored?! Like shut up and grow up !!! But it’s so hard to find it fun to do anything sober for long it’s like not fun and if it is , it’s not for very long. Thanks for listening mostly just wanted to get it out of my head 
I don’t say “this will be my forever” date. We only have this one day a time. I’ve been in recovery over a year now, with lapses of my own, one being so bad it wound me back in treatment. I am going for my degree and changing my career path, which I know isn’t accessible for everyone… really finding my core, who I am… and where I can be if I don’t go back to drinking. Dust yourself off… you are capable of long term sobriety!
Thanks for being real! I know those thoughts too. Truth is we know what it will lead to. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but we know we will end up in the same F’n ditch again. I stopped or tried to “control” it so many times. Sadly, I’m one of those that is powerless over alcohol. If you’re the same, I strongly suggest you find a recovery program and start building some sober support/friendships. It’s horribly lonely to do this without a sober community. I had just about everything a person could wish for (wife, kids, house, great job, etc.), but I was so alone. After years of not drinking, I was so bored, lonely, and tired of life that I started drinking again. I don’t wish this for you or your family. It’s great that you are reaching out and expressing it. I hope you continue doing so, and find the strength and courage to find your people.
Thank you
Thank you this was very helpful 
My head is a bad place for an addict like me. This will pass
Another thing for me, wondering if anyone else has/ does experience this; as soon as I tell myself I can’t have a drink my mind obsessives over it , like way more then when I’m just having a normal day it’s like the telling me I can’t makes me want one and if I give myself permission to go get one it goes away and I don’t feel like I need one anymore! My mind does this with anything I tell it I’m going to cut back on or stop doing/eating /errands it doesn’t may be:poop: