I am sitting here just thinking about life. How there’s so many people out there that are having a good life.
And then I look back on my life and see how messed up it was then. And how messed up it is now. I am 61 years old and out of those 61 years I had 23 years that I can really call good. Those good years ended four years ago. That’s when my wife passed away. In my health started to deteriorate. I will never ever if they have good years again. I just don’t wanna be here anymore. And I am seriously thinking about drinking again and I think I am going to. I’ve been without alcohol for 37 years and I really want it back again. Maybe my time of sobriety is over maybe I was supposed to be sober To be with my wife. I was her third marriage her first to marry just treated her like shit. But I treated her so much differently with respect that she deserve to be treated with.
Exteam Negative,abusive,dysfunctional childhood, can bring shame and Guilt for the rest of your life
I lost my gal a year ago,after 10 years, not perfect, she was drinking while I put to gether 10 years of sobriety, I have thought about drinking gambling and smoking, three things that I did b we for, not much gambling, but im in Nevada so ,dam how are you going to meet anyone, at a AA meeting, been there done that.
Kelly
I feel you. You have more than 20 yrs sober time than I.
Two yrs ago, I started having health issues, plus unresolved crap. All that stuff we pushed down before getting sober seems to flood right back in when we are going through serious shit. It’s hard!!
You’ve had an amazing sobriety journey.
I know you miss your partner in life, and with your health, etc. Don’t give up now. Starting back up is not the way to go out..you KNOW WHAT you need to do.
Let me sound harsh..
Do It!!
Be a consistent inspiration to is all!!
Love, light & prayers
You’re an amazing inspiration!
Chelle:dizzy:
That’s hard. All of it. I hope you follow all the great advice I’ve seen you give to others on this site over the past year or so.
Play it all the way through. It’s not fun. It doesn’t fix anything. It leads to shame, regret and misery.
But you know all of this. And after 37 years you’re still considering going back out. Damn
{{{Kelly}}}, thank you for your raw honesty. This disease sure doesn't care how many days, let alone decades, one has accumulated; this disease simply wants us dead and has no problem waiting for the depths of our misery to exact its toll. I wish I could ease your pain somehow. Tell you cheesy jokes... treat you to lunch... any healthy diversion while you ride out this storm. Like you, I am no stranger to severe hardship and unspeakable traumas. The last time I came crawling back into the rooms in 1995, a dear departed recovery mentor told me what has had to become my bottom line. He spoke sternly to me after my gut-wrenching share at a packed candlelight midnight meeting, appropriately named No More Nightmares. "Chris," he said, "you have ZERO business robbing God of a servant!". His words rocked me to my core. The truth had been laid bare, whether or not I liked it. However, it was- and IS that undeniable truth that kept/keeps me coming back. Kelly, if nobody's told you lately, I love you. Please stay. I can't do this alone.
Thank you.
I just want to say THANKS to everyone. I appreciate it so much
Make the right choice.you have helped a lot of people on here.you can do this.
My daughter committed suicide from her alcoholism. We were so close. Because my Higher Power gave me the gift of sobriety 25 years before, it did not even occur to me to drink over it. I miss her but I won't let my disease win. We need people like you to help us all survive the dis ase of addiction. I believe God has a great plan for you. Don't quit now ! 
Thank you very much I appreciate that
How are you doing Kelly?
Kelly! Good morning Friend! Drinking is not the solution to our problems! Our thinking is the problem.
Remember easy does it!
Re-read the last statement you wrote, your late wife’s first marriage was horrible, you come along and gave her a life she deserved! And you did this sober. You said you treated her differently and with respect! That’s awesome and shows all of us that sobriety gives us the ability to be good people! Now if we take that same thinking and action towards others and apply that towards ourselves we can treat ourselves with the up most respect.
You’re a good Man! My condolences on the passing of your wife. Think of what she would want? Drinking alcohol isn’t the answer and it’s our disease talking to us! There’s still time for you to help others who still struggle! You are an inspiration! 37 years sober is huge! Selfishness is to drink. Stay sober my friend! I love you!
The spiritual world loves you! Listen to your intuition.
Have a blessed day filled with love and peace within my sober friend.
Thanks Kevin I really needed to hear that. Everything you said hit homeAnd you’re absolutely right. About everything. I really needed to hear that from a true friend. Thank you once again
You’re welcome! I’m glad and grateful to be of service.
I hope today has been better for you sir. Everyday is a new one. & there are other sources of light! Staying strong with you today.
No I don’t mind if you say hello. I am doing just fine today. We friended each other remember go to your friends text me from there if you want to chat.
OK whatever