If you continue to keep it a secret to everyone, unfortunately, the relapses will likely continue. There are dignified ways of coming clean, like just going to meetings openly all of the sudden. Please. David Beecroft said it perfectly.
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Isolation was one of the components feeding my addiction. There are so many people who struggle with the exact thing you are going through. This is not to say your situation is not profound and unique because it definitely is. Just take comfort in knowing that your community is so ready for you to confront it and support you so that you can recover. Praying for you 
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Find you a group to get in and find you a sponsor everything is confidential. You will not do it on your own I’ve tryed and tryed that. Take it one day at a time
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Isolating yourself is only going to cause you more hurt and pain. You can get to a meeting whether it’s in person or online and get the support you need. We are here for you.
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I use to think no one knew. They do. Honestly, you will get the harsh reality from family. That being anyone that knows you, the good the bad and the ugly. If you need someone to be with you, we are all here. It’s not up to them to figure out what’s going on. It’s up to you to face the truth and tell them. If you haven’t so far it’s because you’re afraid of them taking away what you want.. not need. Talk to your family.
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You have to do it for you and only you not even for your kids not for you boyfriend mother father even the judges until your brain realized you dont want it annymore not much you can do!! its a chemical reaction on day and you brain tells ya ok thas enought im 41 years old took me 30 some years to realize this but let me tell ya i wish for you that it happends quickly for me when it happend been 2 years and almost 4 monts and not one craving and thot about it at all like its not even hard like when i used to like it i tried everything aa i was prez in rehab na name it!! work for a bit then relapse you got to get fed up of it get fed up of it really
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I just sent u a fr. HMU if you need any resources. You do have to do it for you however that realization often comes within working the steps. This idea that we don't need help or shouldn't ask for it isnt ok. That attitude almost killed me today. Same attitude almost killed me 5 or 6 other times as well and technically did 6mo ago. And I'm a pretty open book just didn't have any supervision for a week or so...
It seems extreme. It is. This condition worsens if we don't address it. Every time. Jail, prison, death, pffffffft, there are FAR worse things in life and if you dont believe me, keep on... You might just find out and I pray to God you dont.
Get some help. Help yourself. Please. As a father it breaks my heart to imagine my daughter saying the same thing. She's in college, it's a possibility I think about. I feel my kids won't ever fall to deep addiction and if so, much as a result of the few awesome recovering addicts in the family who talk about their inadequacies, fears, mukups etc. Please, friend.
Those who don't know, it's only by the grace of God. They likely know something is wrong but don't necessarily recognize the DOC. Idk how many meth addicts, pill addicts, heroin addicts, Alcoholics, self included, I know, who thought they were pulling one over on people. Maybe for a very short time.
Josh Ua,
Wow, I appreciate your openness. I’m just wondering if you’re ready to give uplifting advice. The idea that without supervision you , within a week faced death! No one can give you sobriety or clean time. You have to want it. To face death 5-6 other times, and technically 6 months ago. I wouldn’t be proud. You didn’t survive you bypassed. I’m guessing you are still active.
Shelby you’re definitely not alone! We are here for you. I had to surrender to the winning side and get with recovering addicts to arrest my addiction. Come on home, we welcome you with open arms.