I am struggling to get sober again. I want to do the right things, but it is so hard to make decisions when I feel like the decisions I have made so far have all pushed me into a place I don't want to be. I don't know which way is the way I am supposed to go, and I have been asking the wrong questions. I feel like cowardice is keeping me using, and being brave in the position I have put myself into is just so hard.
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Emily, I was in your shoes with alcohol. Hubris, shame and self loathing had a hold on me. Step one you already made. Now it’s time to consider intensive treatment at minimum out patient. I think detox and inpatient, take yourself out of the world for a lil bit and focus on you. It sounds extreme to some but it could be your tipping point. Congratulations on reaching out, that’s a huge step!
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Baby steps Emily. Be sober for today, take a walk and feel the breeze, cook a meal you like, tell someone you appreciate him or her. For me at least, when I was in pieces, I had to put the pieces together one at a time, and very small pieces they were. You will be successful in this I know.
Emily, The only way I was able to get and stay sober was admitting I couldn’t do it by myself and getting the help and support of people who understood it. I went to AA meetings, got a sponsor, worked the steps with my sponsor.
Through these actions, & the support of a community of people in the same boat, I was able to not only get sober but grow through the challenges.
God luck to you. You can do it if you do the work.