I am struggling with grief, like losing my mom was

I am struggling with grief, like losing my mom was so hard and I thought nothing could top that but then I lost my brother and I have been so so broken every since. I am so sad and full of grief I want to be with him and our mom, I never felt such deep sadness as I do about Ricky. My body has physical reaction to missing him.
I feel lonely and so sad and I wish that I could just ease the weight of my emotions and I don't have anything that works and I just get scared I will break and drink after 7 f*cking years I can't believe I even feel this way. I just want something to make the feelings leave me alone.

I am "saying" it out loud so that it does not control me

My little brother and first kid and bestie and just my heart.

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Well i know you writing it down, takes the power outta things. My condolences :bouquet: and i will be praying for you​:pray::pray::pray:

I can totally relate to what you're going through. My condolences, prayers and heart go out to you. Your post resonates where I'm currently at. With the recent passing of three of my closest friends it's hard.

However, NO MATTER WHAT I will NOT take a sip of that first drink.

Continue the good fight my friend. I believe in you. Keep posting (weighting) about it