I am struggling with grief, like losing my mom was so hard and I thought nothing could top that but then I lost my brother and I have been so so broken every since. I am so sad and full of grief I want to be with him and our mom, I never felt such deep sadness as I do about Ricky. My body has physical reaction to missing him.
I feel lonely and so sad and I wish that I could just ease the weight of my emotions and I don't have anything that works and I just get scared I will break and drink after 7 f*cking years I can't believe I even feel this way. I just want something to make the feelings leave me alone.
I am "saying" it out loud so that it does not control me
My little brother and first kid and bestie and just my heart.

and i will be praying for you:pray: