Alcohol has been a crutch for me for years. A few years ago I tried coke for the first time and I’ve recently began to spiral out of control these last few years (3). I only crave it once I’m drunk and want to keep drinking but then it’s a vicious cycle. A loop to numb the stress I feel 24/7. I feel so alone. Everyone else seems to be fine and maybe it’s just the people I’m around when I drink but I feel like I’m so much worse. I feel so guilty all the time but I can’t stop. It used to be every couple of weeks and now it’s every single week. I hate myself and I don’t know what to do.
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Awareness is the first step to solving a problem. You have that. I couldn’t change until I got help which you can get here and where you live. Everyone’s different. For me this other app was enough (IAS) and you might need more. Definitely sounds like if you quit drinking these other things will go away too. Don't give up. Being here is a big step. We have to love ourselves in order to become our true selves. That means treating our bodies with respect. Good food, sleep, exercise. You got this.
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Sorry I wrote a novel but I just wanted to add I only admitted to being addicted 3 weeks ago, after years like you.
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I can guarantee you that most of us that are seemingly doing fine now, came from a very dark and hopeless place. As one mentioned before me, you recognize that you have a problem and that is the first if not the most important step. I sought professional help for myself because that's what I needed, you may need to also. 
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AA is free, and you can find a group of women who know exactly how you're feeling and what you're going through. Check out some meetings.
As far as drugs go, I'm the same. I want it after I start drinking.
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It sounds like you need to remove yourself from that environment. I was very similar a few years ago.
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Tiffany I had the same problem …. Only used it when I was drunk and for the same reasons.. seek help go to support meetings whether AA or another form 
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I am in the same exact boat.
Hi Tiffany. Just reading this and hope you are feeling a little better. I also had to seek professional clinical help to get the ball rolling to recovery. Trust me when I say asking for help is truly a strong move to being free.
I drank since 14 years old…alcoholically from the git go. Wasn’t until cocaine brought me to my knees at 27 years old that I had to address “All of the above”. Sooo a 46 day stint in rehab followed by every suggestion AA, NA, and CA had to offer. Still clean & sober today , one day at a time. Don’t get hung up on labels or semantics. I’m an alcoholic and addict in recovery.
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Tiffany, you are saying the same thing I was saying 20 years ago when I finally gave up cocaine. I hated myself, I hated cocaine, and I swore I wouldn’t again. Until I had that first sip, and I was like a fiend begging for the coke.
It took a hard look in the mirror for the first time in years. I used almost every night. I had just gotten out of jail again, my mates were dying, dead or on their way to prison. I lost 4 mates that summer to OD, some of my friends were armed robbing our dealers. All while my 3 years younger brother was graduating from the same college we went to with honors.
I realized I was on a spiral with 3 outcomes: admitting to my addiction and continuing, more jail or possibly prison, or death. Possibly a combination or all 3. Or I could stop.
I decided I wasn’t going to let my little brother graduate before me (he didn’t and my GPA went back to 3.5 at a top university). I wasn’t going to let myself be like my friends, I wasn’t going to die.
I locked myself in my room and studied, painted, worked out. I didn’t leave my house for 3 months but for school, gym and groceries. I poured all the booze out so there was no temptation for cocaine.
I was finally able to look at myself in the mirror after 3 months, ashamed still, but not so ashamed I ignored my own self.
I haven’t touched in 20 years come March. My alcoholic tendencies have come and gone, my alcohol sobriety tracker has been reset multiple times. But the hard drugs I’ve never gone back to. Temptation has happened. Once I put myself under a bed and sang songs to myself while others partook, once I went outside to a weight bench and did bench presses till I was exhausted. I used anything I could to remove myself in situations where others used (I’d Uber now… but that wasn’t an option).
I’m not a higher power person, I’m spiritual, but I don’t believe I’m powerless as in AA. I’m powerful, and only I can make what I want happen.
You can do this. You can be powerful too. Sometimes the first step in finding your power, is asking for help, and that’s what you’re doing here. Seek it any way you can that feels right to you.
Admitting the problem is one of the hardest steps, but you are at a point that saying it doesn’t matter. You now. Or you wouldn’t be here. The next step is deciding what do you want to do about it. You were strong enough to complete step one, saying it out loud aside, and you are strong enough to keep going. This thread is filled with great resources and tips, but I just want you to know that you are worthy of fighting for yourself and the life you want. You deserve to see what it looks like on the other side of the cycle.
Don't look now, but you just admitted your an addict. The illness is real, but so is the recovery. You can do this
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Hi. Ok I need to put this out there. Have you considered going to a detox hospital. Sounds like I was with my drinking. The only thing that saved me was going to hospital for 9 days and being medically detoxed and put on medication for cravings and seizures. Unfortunately for most of us, it is the only way out. Will have 3 years soon and getting my immediate family back into my life is so much better than drinking that rotten poison.
Please if you want sobriety consider that options. I am in RI and they have an amazing hospital here that has helped so many plus, they set me up with an entire recovery team. Life is worth living. You can do this.
Yo I know this is hella old but hit me up we have a lot in common