i can’t stop drinking as much as i try. i’m my own worst enemy. oh man.
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You are in the right place
Have you tried rehab or attending AA meetings? I suggest you do both or one 
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Surrounding yourself with people that understand alcoholism and have achieved sobriety would be absolutely the best thing you could do for yourself. People that will hold you accountable and not afraid to call you out. Always pray and pray some more. God is still doing miracles these days, he is the only reason I’m here today and able to say I believe in you. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
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Good morning Rex I’m sorry to hear you are struggling but I am so proud of you for reaching out for help. The main thing to remember is to forgive yourself for the pain that you have done and the pain that you caused upon yourself as well.
Remember we are sick. People trying to get better not bad people trying to do good. 
Welcome Rex...I had to dive into meetings, get a sponsor, get a home group, and work all 12 steps. For the first time in my adult life I am not bound by alcohol. It was my solution to everything- good days, bad days, hard days, easy days, celebrating or mourning. It didn't matter what the day was, I wanted and needed that sense of ease and comfort I got from alcohol. I had to learn about this disease, and how I am mentally and physically different from most drinkers. I cannot safely put alcohol into my body, bc my body demands MORE and I am no longer in control of my actions. In working the steps of AA, I came into a relationship with my Higher Power, which I choose to call God. I live an amazing life free from alcohol, and I don't ever even think about it unless I'm here, working with one of my sponsees, or at a meeting. If you want what we have, and are willing to go to ANY length to get it, then you are ready to take certain steps.
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Been there done that too many times.
I had to go to detox, then get serious about my sobriety.
I had to finally surrender to the winning side. Best choice I ever made.
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Sorry to hear that Rex. I struggled for over ten years and about lost everything. I really should have lost everything to be honest. The biggest thing I’ve learned is to change your habits, do something different , get a hobby, and yeah get a meeting. I also got serious about seeking God, and he was right there with arms out.
If you’re to the point where everything looks like your DOC then it might be time to take a little break in rehab. Remove yourself from all the “conveniences”
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Welcome. Every one of us has been where you are now. I promise that sobriety is a beautiful thing!! Otherwise I wouldn't work so hard to keep it. I'm happy to chat if you need someone to talk with.