I can't get over how mundane my life is right now

Recovery
#1

It is difficult to go from having a bustling and happy life to the mediocrity existence I live now.

And yes, I lived that bustling and happy while sober. This is why I am having a lot of trouble trusting god.

I always believed god wanted me to be happy. God also wanted me to be sober. So I was sober and life did become happier and better.

I thought eureka! We are in alignment. Then after this, I just don't feel the same trust I felt for god and this process.

I am finishing step 6 in AA and it is all about trusting god to remove character defects. This is under the assumption I felt I had any defects to be removed.

Defects were forced on me just like this mundane life I am experiencing and I feel awful because of it.

I don't have any desire to drink but I definite desire to take my medication which used to help me feel better.

Now they are making me jump through hoops to get it so I have to put all of my reliance on a god I presently do not trust. It was easier to put trust in god when life was going good.

1 Like
#2

I have experienced some highs and lows and in sobriety. I haven’t felt exactly like you describe, but I did a plateau after year 3, and then things went sideways quickly.. Some life circumstances hit me all at once, and I began questioning everything that I had learned to let go. I needed to know the whys and the hows once again. I was angry and irritable for months. I was demanding answers from god lol. Fortunately, I was still going to meetings and talking regularly with my sponsor. He had been bugging me to do some service for some time. He tricked me into covering a commitment he had to bring a meeting into a local rehab. Basically he said he couldn’t do it for a month and asked me to cover for him. I’ve been doing this meeting now for 6 months, and I don’t want to give it up lol. Something changed when o started giving back to our suffering brothers and sisters. Maybe something like this could help you? It forced me to look at things with a new pair of glasses. It’s a program of action. You working thru the steps again is a great thing. You will find your peace and happiness again

1 Like
#6

Beautiful me.
I hope you read this and believe me...
You are needed, and I know you don't feel like it right now..but you are.
I know you've been hard on yourself, how you view and talk to yourself is nothing you'd repeat outloud.
I know you feel like this is it, this is all the future holds for you.
Keep going.
Keep trying every single day.
You're already making waves, moving mountains, becoming who you're meant to be.
It all starts with showing up for YOU, trusting YOU, and believing in YOU.

2 Likes