Everyday i say this is the last time then next day im at the same cross road hating this and wanting to be done with it because of what my life has become. I dont enjoy anything hardly. Heck i dont even think i get high no more its just out of habit. And its just the same ill feelings every single time. Whats wrong with me. You would think i would want a better life but yet here i am stuck again regretting that last hit. When will this cycle end. And ima try again. Maybe ill make it to day 1
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Nothing changes if nothing changes. Try a different way.
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Nothing is wrong with you it's your disease we all have been at those Crossroads it's a matter of Mind Over Matter get counseling get into some kind of treatment you can't do this alone and find a higher power something more than you or anything on this Earth namely God we are believe in you and you got this anytime you need to talk to it plenty of us on here there are willing and able to speak with you but you have to want it more than you want your own life cuz if you don't just a matter of time before you may not have a life left to fight for
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You have to go to na/AA meetings regularly that is what has kept me clean and sober for going on 5 years May 30th and constant praying and changing my circle and those that I was around you can do it find you a support system and friends that are trustworthy and not in active addiction you can do this I believe in you and have faith in you
Stops when enough is enough
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You need a guide. Read the big book of Alcoholic Anonymous. Read a chapter, read a page, read a paragraph, read a sentence. Just read. I'm not much on reading these days. So I got the Audio book. Enough is enough when you've had enough. Maybe you're just not ready yet, but still try. Never stop trying and don't give up on yourself. Stay connected with us. You're not alone.
Hi Alexis,
Blake here. You’ve made an excellent and important observation when you wrote
“I cant seem to quit”.
This is true. We lack the discipline, strength, commitment, and willpower to stay “quit”. I can cease for a moment, time, or for a while but I lack the ability to permanently “quit”. A lot of this has to do with where my mind is. As I focus on not drinking, and fight and resist drinking eventually I get fatigued and give in.
For me alcohol calmed my restless thinking and troubled heart. I’d worry about the future, regret the past, and be uncomfortable with the present. Drinking was my only relief, my only peace, the only mental and emotional rest I got. But it brought on many other problems. With these new problems would come new reasons to escape (drink). It was never ending. I was loosing every time.
I haven’t figured out exactly what happened but something finally changed for me. I realized that I would never be able to win at alcohol. It was a professional and I was an amateur. It has been around a lot longer than me and that after 20 years I was not going to be able to figure out how to get better or how to win. If I don’t play the game anymore then it’s impossible to loose. I sought every means of help. This app, YouTube, Facebook, Google searches, and podcasts. Someone on this app suggested I get a sponsor. I started going to Alcoholics Anonymous in search of a sponsor. My third attendance there I realized I was an alcoholic. I attend Alcoholics Anonymous on a regular basis because I’ve finally found some peace and relief. I’ve found connection and it’s that connection with positive people that is so fulfilling and rewarding that drinking just doesn’t measure up. The spiritual and inner growth I’m experiencing is an exciting adventure that I look forward to everyday. I no longer think about what I don’t want to do. I think about what I enjoy doing. …learning about myself and connecting and helping others cross over to a better way of living.
I hope this helps.
Alexis, I’ve been there and done that countless times! I was so sick of the seemingly endless cycle. Then I finally got SUPER SERIOUS and made my sobriety my NUMBER ONE PRIORITY in life. I went to early morning in person AA/NA meetings and evening meetings, got sponsored and did the 12 steps thoroughly multiple times.
I broke the cycle of insanity. 17 years of grateful sobriety and I’m still here to help others to freedom.
Hit me up if you’re seriously ready.
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