2 years…
25+ years.
Head of household.
Breadwinner beast.
Laid off from $200K+ job in March. 241 applications since.
Countless 12, 16, 20-hour days.
Over past 7 months.
Unemployment gone.
As of this weekend.
Still no job.
Resume overhaul.
After overhaul.
After overhaul.
The unrelenting rejection.
Responses.
Only for the crickets.
And the ghosting?
Oh, the ghosting.
Knife through the heart.
Stabbing.
Gutting.
Even post mortem.
The assailant?
An invisible man or woman.
With the darkest.
Of all darksides.
Few prospects.
Sleep deprived
Hopelessness.
My pillow.
Seemingly.
Nightly.
Still, 2 years.
Depression.
Anxiety.
Panic.
OCD.
Bipolar.
PTSD.
ADHD.
Night terrors.
Flashbacks.
Screaming in my sleep.
All with some vendetta.
Slowly trying to kill me.
An army of disorders.
Maladies galore.
10 surgeries.
Over the past 6 years.
Excruciating, chronic pain.
All day.
Every day.
Can’t run.
Cant ride a bike.
Cant even take long walks.
On the beach
Gardening?
Nope.
Underwater basketweaving?
Maybe.
Playing soccer with my kids?
Like I’ve done.
Forever.
Ain’t happening.
Still, 2 years.
No matter what feel.
Detached.
Isolated.
Disconnected.
Enraged.
Disengaged.
Betrayed.
Neglected.
Apathetic.
Ultra low.
Bitter.
Cynical.
Tempted.
Vengeful.
These emtions.
Are.
No.
Match.
Thanks to that everlasting.
Gobstopper.
Sobriety.
Life is your best friend.
Today.
Then your enemy.
Tomorrow.
But above all else.
You.
Yep.
Little ‘ol you.
Undeniably.
Unapologetically.
Unhesitatingly.
Unshakable.
Unbreakable.
Unstoppable.
Tethered.
To a solemn promise.
Deep.
At your core.
Have that special something.
Superglued.
Locked.
Tattooed.
To your soul.
Your will.
Your resolve.
Your uncompromising.
Determination.
To create the wins.
[“Winning!”]
Big or small.
To acknowledge them.
To experience them.
To celebrate them.
Length of time?
Any amount deserves.
A gentle handshake.
A kind word.
A warm embrace.
Be it 2 hours.
2 days.
2 weeks
2 quarters
2 decades.
2 centuries (okay, I’ve gone too far).
It.
All.
Matters.
For me.
Today.
I celebrate.
2 years.
With.
You.
Writing this message.
Was not.
On my to-do list today.
But I’m glad.
It made it there.
Because.
Just.
Knowing.
Someone.
Even if only one of you.
Reads this.
I hope.
It serves.
As a reminder.
To give yourself.
The permission.
The gift.
Of feeling.
Unadulterated.
Pure.
Love.
For yourself.
You matter.
You are strong.
And you.
Will.
Always.
Have a home.
Right here.
With compassion and care,
Sincerely,
Jamie (from Massachusetts)
