I could use some help. Is there anyway to stay sober without "community"? That sounds crazy even writing that. Lol. I've been trying to stop drinking for a little over a year now with different lengths of success, a month being the longest. I have 2 kids under 5 and own & operate a small business with my husband. My days are so packed that going to meetings is not realistic for me in my life right now. Side note, I'm also not into AA. I grew up with it being shoved down my throat from one parent and currently I have a strong aversion to it. I'm not on social media of any kind, it's just not my thing. I've listened to some podcasts that have been helpful but they only do so much. I also did the TNM 30 day challenge & enjoyed that but as soon as it was over I found a reason to pickup again. Any advice is greatly appreciated, thank you for your time.
In my experience… no. The community is what kept me going. The steps helped me heal. Going back to help others feeds my sobriety.
Kids, job, significant other… all are used as excuses. Wether that’s to get sober or not to get involved in a program. The simple truth is it is still an excuse. We need to be brutally HONEST with ourselves. If you want to be free of the demons then you will do ANYTHING to get there. Good luck. Hope you find the peace you deserve.
From my experience, yes. You can easily stay sober without community. It's nice to check in from time to time, of course. That is what this app is for. AA only kept me boozin so I only go once a year to get my coin. That is all it is good for. Avoiding booze gets easy at the 21 day mark so keep up the good work.
I’m not big into AA, I do check in here for community because there are times non-alcoholics just don’t comprehend challenges. What helped me most was therapy and tools/education from my LADC… knowledge is power and understanding what alcohol does to us along with my reason for using alcohol as a coping/survival mechanism let me get to the bottom of it.
Seems like you've tried all the ways you're willing to try to stay sober and none of them have really worked. Time to try things you haven't tried.
I have NEVER been "into" AA. Everything about it was repellent to me, especially the religious aspect of it. But 9 months ago I was finally tired of being tired. I gave up and got into the program. It has really helped me. The community is the best part. I ignore all the religious aspects, and take what works for me, which is, like I said, the community. Can you stay sober without the community? Some people probably can. Can you? Obviously not.
When you're sick and tired of being sick and tired, give it a try. Regardless of what you do, I hope you get the help you need so you can stay sober and be happy and healthy.
I got sober using The Sinclair Method. It doesn't rely on community support in the same way as most step based programs, but it's not entirely incompatible with it either. Personally I think that community is important to recovery, but that the ideal community looks different person to person, and so you shouldn't feel discouraged if something like AA isn't working for you.
I've been to a few recovery yoga, Recovery Dharma, AA, and SMART Recovery meetings which sometimes are helpful and other times not so much. I'm also part of a few local hiking groups that have nothing to do with recovery, but that I feel have been incredibly helpful in my recovery anyway.
To me recovery is about meeting new people, trying new things, and seeing what sticks. For me that's TSM, hiking, yoga, and online support groups, but for others that might be different.
So- I myself have been doing this same thing this year. Trying to get sober and going for different lengths of time. Also, have never been to a meeting and I am not into social media, mostly have it for the small business I run as well. That’s when I found Loosid and the community so far here has been pretty helpful. I am looking to start a new hobby/activity/exercise. You’d be so shocked to find cool things that isn’t just going to the gym or lifting weights. Keep putting your feelers out there. I really am sending good vibes your way. For me, one day it just clicked that being sober is just something I need and want in my life. Lost my dad this year to alcoholism and from there, started to spiral badly. I’ve ruined relationships professionally and personally and I just can’t let alcohol be the reason I’m not happy, successful and unhealthy anymore.
Here’s a thought, take it with a grain of salt. That part of you that has an aversion to AA and the steps may also be the same part of you that is preventing you from being happy, joyous, and free. There are so many books, groups, and disciplines that tell you what god is and who you are and how you are supposed to think. A spiritual awakening is your opportunity to find out for yourself. Living a spiritual life is very pragmatic, simple, and practical. There are many spiritual paths but they all lead to the same place.
I think that everyone has the same goal in mind with their “take” on topics like community, higher power, and the steps, and that is getting sober. I went to AA for years (court ordered), in patient treatment twice (one after shooting myself in the head because of my drunken misery), and read just about every book imaginable. None of it worked for more than a couple months at a time. Finally after all that effort I just looked at myself in the mirror one day and was sick and tired of the misery. That was my last day of drinking three years ago. What keeps me sober is remembering that misery by reading the journals I had written, and looking at pictures of myself drunk, and listening to the people that I had hurt. I leaned on people when I needed encouragement, and not once have I gone to a meeting since my quit date. I believe finding what works for “you” is what is important. I post in these group chats every few months and read peoples stories to remind myself how thankful I am. I help people when I can (step 12 btw) not because I’m working the 12 steps, but because it is the right thing to do and it helps me stay sober. Find your “way” of quitting and stick to it. If you have urges “tweak” your program and find something that will help you stay sober! You’ve got this!
+1. I was gonna recommend Quit Like a Woman, too. Also This Naked Mind by Annie Grace. They both have a lot of opinions about AA that might resonate with you.
I'm 10 months sober with no big community or meetings. What i do have is the support of my family though. I live with my husband and my brother. My brother never drank and my husband never drank really heavily. He quit when I did to be supportive. I think having that small community was huge for me. It helped when i got over my fear of talking about it with them. Reading the books together also gave us an easy way to have those conversations without me having to feel blamed or embarrassed, too. It wasn't so personal. We were talking about alcohol as the problem - not just my relationship to it.
I also went to trauma focused therapy and finally dealt with some stuff that was making it hard for me to deal with my feelings without booze. That helped a lot too.
What works for you is what works for you! But do make time for yourself and your future. You're never too busy to take care of yourself. <3
I feel you answered your own question in your post. If you’ve been trying for a year without success then I suggest doing something different. I’m my experience doing the exact things you don’t want to do or find excuses not to do is exactly what needs to be done
Hey there. Community (to me) can be just a few people or even one. The key for me is having a person with whom I can connect with and be vulnerable with without fear of rejection or reproach or judgment. A wide network of friends via AA or NA is fine, but without someone you can share and listen to deeply, numbers are meaningless.
I get it. I really do. I appreciate your words. Thank you. I'm sure it sounds like excuses, and maybe it is to an extent. My life is absolutely insane from the time I wake till the time I go to sleep, I don't even have time to shower most days. I can't imagine trying to find time to go to meetings & make connections. There's times where I know being sober needs to be a priority then there's times where I get so stressed it goes right out the window for a few days.
It's nice to know it can be done! Thank you! Was there any other tools you liked to use that you could recommend?
Thank you Rebecca! I've been wanting to do therapy but was having a hard time finding someone who took my insurance. I know I'd benefit tremendously from it. I'll put more of a focus on trying to find a therapist, it's been pushed to the side for a while now.
Thanks Taylor! You're making me cry. I'm happy to hear it's helped you. It's a really long story as to why I'm not for it, so I won't bore you with the details but I know there's gotta be something else. I'm gonna keep staying positive to figure out that something else. I'm not against community, I can clearly see the benefits it's just time consuming & my business & babies currently consume me 24/7. I'm thinking I might look into Cafe RE maybe? I've listened to the recovery elevator pod cast a bunch the last few months & that resonates more to me than AA right now. Maybe I should give myself an ultimatum, if I drink again I HAVE to try AA? 
I like the way you think. I'm not sure I'm a candidate for that particular method but I'm glad to hear it worked for you! I'm going to look into the programs you mentioned. Thank you for your comments
Thank you Becks! That's funny cause I bought that book for myself this time last year, I got through a quarter of it but didn't have much time to devote to reading & it got pushed aside. I did sign up for Tempest after researching Holly & after a few months stopped because I didn't have the money to continue & time to read all the literature. I'm going to give the book a try again.
Thank you Brit. I'm so sorry to hear about your Dad. That's terrible. Do you mind me asking how long you've been sober now? I keep thinking it'll be like a light switch & it'll just hit me & I'll understand. I'm obviously still waiting for that moment tho. I know I was doing well but, again, life happens, something crazy stressful comes up & my mind goes right to f*ck it. It doesn't matter you've only been sober 30 days, etc a few drinks won't matter. & it's been 13 months of that. But in all honesty deep down I've known for 15+ years it's not a good look on me. It's just since last Thanksgiving I've known I need to stop. I know community would greatly benefit me I just don't know how to do it with my business & kids. There's not enough hours in the day to take care of myself.
Thank you Bruce. Now you're making me cry! Do you write professionally? Cause your words are beautiful. It makes so much sense but yet I'm not sure where to begin and how to stick with it without me neglecting my business, house & kids to focus on myself. I know that sounds overly dramatic but it's unfortunately my reality.. I don't drink all day everyday so I guess I'd be categorized as a high functioning alcoholic? I'm currently able to keep my work/life balance in check but I know it hasn't always been that way & most likely won't always stay that way cause I'm definitely not a "normal drinker". Do you go to program?