It's coming up on 11 months since I've seen or spoken to a child I raised since birth. A child who only knew me as his daddy his entire life, even though I was not his biological father. This was a child who thought I hung the moon. And a child who taught me so much about what it means to get second chances in life to be a better parent. I gave this little boy the world. I bought a new house so he'd finally have his own bedroom. I provided for him financially when his mom refused to work for years. He had a safe place in my home and he was loved, heard and included in my home. But I guess love makes you do funny things. My ex fell head over heels for a married man and those two wound up together. My existence in this kids life apparently was an inconvenience to their plan to "start over with a new life", so they just took him and said I wasn't to be in his life anymore. I could understand the logic if I'd done something to harm him. Or if I'd been trying to poison his mind towards either of them. But there was none of that. Just love. A love that apparently threatened their mental space because they saw how much I meant to him and that bothered then. So he's gone. He's been gone. I have had custody of two of my three bio children since summer of 2020 after she abandoned them at my house in an attempt to "inconvenience me". When she realized I was glad to have them home, she tried to take them from me and I fought it in court and won. So now these days she has nothing to do with them either. And she also won't allow either of them to have access to see their brother either. How people could punish their own children with such cruelty baffles me. I'm tired of not being able to fix it. I spent 11k dollars in the courts just trying to secure visitation rights to stay in his life and they threw it out saying I had no standing since I wasn't his biological father. He's being alienated. He's been lied to. He's been exposed to things no kid should ever have to endure. And the two that live with me are just sad all the time that their mother has disowned them and anytime they try to call, gaslights them into believing that they're being treated the way they are because of how they've acted. Are children not allowed to be outraged at being loved conditionally by their own mother? I can't fix it for them. I can't fix it for me. And the courts have failed the entire family. I walked down the toy aisle at the store today with my kids and just seeing all the things he liked, and remembering how much joy we had as a family was too much. I broke down crying in front of my kids right in the middle of the toy aisle. I apologized profusely but couldn't get myself together. The pain is never ending. I try to remind myself that love always prevails. But it's been almost a year. I've missed so much. His bedroom with all his stuff is still here, as if he died and we couldn't bring ourselves to clean his room. I don't know what else to do. For me. For my kids. For him. He's at the hands of two emotionally insecure people who care only about control and will weaponize a child to show their willingness to be in control. The anger is as pure as sunshine sometimes. The sadness as heavy as the ocean. It's amazing what we convince ourselves to endure sometimes. Just for a shred of hope that maybe some day it won't be this way anymore. I've been sober a little over nine years and this has been the worst of them by far. I've contemplated drinking so bad through all of this. Because surely this isn't the life I got sober for... But I haven't drank. Mostly because I don't trust the me that's waiting at the bottom of that bottle. Because that dudes ready to settle some scores and that does concern me. So for today, we stay calm, cool and rational. And maybe we just keep hoping that good will come out in the end.
Touching story Nick..! Godspeed and remember god draws w/ cooked lines! Acceptance is the key! You know this or you wouldn’t have 9 years. This message is as much for me as it is for you 
Nick, I am so sorry. There is no way anyone will understand what you are going through. It’s unimaginable. All I know is that when I went through a divorce I had a lot of doubts. I also wondered why I stayed sober for this, for this???
I get that. But there is hope, and it’s not in a bottle. It’s in getting active in your A.A. group and being of service, helping others. Helping the children that you DO have with you. Teaching them how to move through life as a sober dad. Acting and not reacting. I too had to learn not to apologize to my kids for crying. I don’t apologize for being human anymore. I learned to focus on love, kindness and forgiveness.
As I did these things and learned these lessons and worked the 12 steps things got better. They actually got better. I hope they do for you as well.
I feel for you and your kids Nick. I’m sure that boy knows in his heart how much you love him. I like to imagine he’s just waiting to be old enough to have the ability to reach out to you in his own.
I hope you’re ok Nick. Take care man.
Thank you. I'm hanging in there. Jut praying for that next wave of good days that come in between. I dream of him often and I like to think that when I see him in my dreams that maybe he's seeing me as well and that's our time to communicate and share a hug and a smile. It's just a shame that it's came to this. Some days, I'm strong on my feet. Other days, it feels like all hope is lost. And it sucks. But it's always about how we hang on. One thing I know, is that volatile relationships like theirs never last long. I'd love to think that it won't be a forever kinda thing, or even a 11 year hiatus until he's old enough. I'd like to think there'll be a moment of clarity in his mother's mind where she'll understand what she's done and make a change to put the wrong right again. Not for me. But for him.
Nick I am so sorry. But not drinking again was the perfect choice. If you fell this little boy is in a bad situation have you reached out to Child Protective Services? Maybe they can give you some insight. It’s so bad how they are using this child to get even with you. So she is involved with a married man and probably destroyed his family too. Just keep reaching out to any agency involving the safety of children. This really broke my heart this morning. I feel for all your children. Just be grateful that your out of your addiction and they can count on you now. Stay strong and I pray you get some resolution to this nightmare. God bless you and your children. 
I do pray often and ask God to continue affirming my love in his heart. My greatest fear is that he'll someday wake up and actually believe the distortion he's been fed for so long. They're both such insecure people and they know within that this was so wrong on so many ways. It's why the continue to do it. Those two are actually married these days, so yes... She destroyed that family in the pursuit of her own selfish desires. I've thought about cps, but ive heard horror stories about how state intervention can sometimes make the matters far worse, and that has left me nervous to make that decision. Especially in situations like this where the abuse is taking place emotionally and not so much physically, which as studies have shown - is far more detrimental. A black eye heals. But to intentionally attack a child's mindset and memories will leave lasting damage that will potentially even impact his ability to be a good father one day as well. I have another biological daughter that lives with her mom as well and she was once a daddy's girl. I haven't spoken to her in almost seven months and she's disowned me as well. She mirrors her mother's behaviors in every way. She told me over Christmas that she wants nothing to do with me because she doesn't trust me. So I simply asked her to explain what I ever did to make her feel that way. Her answer was simply "I don't know". I've researched a ton into parental alienation and the 17 manifestations are all text book examples of what I've witnessed with my own eyes over the last several years. I can't even force a relationship because my ex had a chance to talk to a judge and get a grant to not force visitation unless my daughter agreed to come. So family courts essentially tied my hands in being able to work on a relationship with my own child. It's sick. And it's left me with a broken home and broken heart.
mental abuse is just as bad if not worse than physical abuse. I wish I had more words. Do you have a recovery team or sponsor that maybe can help. Maybe just call CPS to at least inquire. Maybe an attorney can help too. My daughter didn’t speak to me for 4 months when she did come everything I did when drinking has really made her have a hard time to believe me now. I am trying to rebuild that relationship but son-in-law I feel is brainwashing her. I almost drank over the holidays because we never saw her. I just had evasive spine surgery and she has only been hear once. Only daughter. But I will never drink again. Maybe someday these relationships will work themselves out. I think you should at least reach out to everyone possible plus an attorney. My addiction only lasted 2019 to 2020 but did a lot of damage. Praying for your and your children. How old is this little boy?
Hi Nick,
I can relate. Someone suggested to me, and I'm passing it on to you, write him letters. Tell him you're thinking of him and your hopes and dreams for him. You can't send it, but someday he will come back and you can share the letters and he will know that he's always been loved and that you tried.
And drinking? Will certainly makes things harder. I am so thankful I haven't drank for the last 10 years, I wouldn't be where I am today if I had.
For your other children, I'm so sorry for them. It's very hard to see them hurting and you can't fix it. I have two sons, one my ex has and he makes it very difficult to see him and our other son is 18 and lives with me. He doesn't speak with his father (or his brother) and my heart breaks for him.
Take care of you.
I love that idea. Put your feelings on paper for him to read. 
I did attempt the legal route back in July when this all first started. Spent several thousand dollars just to fight for a right to visitation and contact, not even custody and the courts threw it out because I was not his biological father. Shameful. The family court system is supposed to exist for the best interest of children and they failed him big time by essentially stealing his daddy from him over a legal technicality that didn't really even apply. I feel like I earned standing in the fact that I raised him as my own for almost eight years. They don't see it that way apparently. Keep working things with your daughter. It takes time for them to regain trust. My kids were the same way when I first got sober and their apprehension is warranted. Especially if they've seen us fall off the wagon in the past. Just stay consistent and let your actions do the talking for you. She'll come back around. Her husband's fears may be warranted, but if you're doing well and holding the line and he continues to estrange her from you, then it's probably a case of isolation and control which should be looked at seriously. I don't do AA. I tried in the beginning and it didn't seem to offer what I was looking for. But I do have a strong support system of people who are rooting for us to get through this. I'm just kind of resigning to the fact that I've exhausted all my legal options and am just hoping that the universe will make it right from here.
I actually started an email account for him a few months back. It's all I have to communicate with him. I send pictures and memories that I see pop up on my social media memories and it hurts. To know that part of our life has been stolen from us by vile people with ugly agendas. But it's a great way for me to let him know how much he means to me. I let him know things that occur to me, or things that I saw or did that made me think of him. When I sent him birthday presents or gifts for Christmas. Because I'm sure those are either being thrown away or claimed as something they bought for him. And they probably double down by saying I must not love him if I didn't care enough to buy him gifts or a card. But he'll know the truth behind all of it some day. Because it's all right there. I've given the password to the account to my daughter and told her that if ever something happens to me, it'll be on her to give him that password some day when he's older. And maybe he'll finally get a chance to remember just how important he was to me and that I never for a moment stopped loving him.
My son-in-law was in Vicodin addiction. He went through withdrawal at home and he supposedly has 7 years recovery so you would think there would be an understanding. I offered to meet with him but he said he has nothing to say. I have been thinking about that all day and I am going to call my daughter and tell her that he needs to stop this and not pull her away from us. It’s crazy but every time he needed help with money I was always right there. It kinda hinders my recovery because my only daughter and we are like this now but I never give up. I hope you find some help somewhere. But if this child is 16 he will be able to make his own decisions soon. I thought he was like 5 or 6 years old. I will definitely keep you and your children in my prayers. . Stay strong do not relapse it will make matters worse.
Sounds like his problem is more about control. My ex's new husband is the same way. Moved then out in the middle of nowhere and had encouraged her to shut off communications with all of us, including two of our kids that I do have custody over. I don't know how anyone could stand beside someone who abandons their family - especially their kids, to be with them. Thats disgusting behavior. And yes, the son I'm referring to is only 8. The two that live with me are 20 and 16.
I am sorry I misunderstood I thought 16. I am so sorry but don’t give up. As far as my son-in-law he accomplished what he has wanted to do for a long time. I almost lost my sobriety over the holidays because of my heart being totally broken. I am not done. I am going to tell my daughter he would never tolerate this being done to his mother. Then I had spine surgery and she came over once to see me. Nothing can break you like your children.
Very sad brother 
. Watch how God works tho. Keep yur head n keep doin wht yu doin n watch yur next post will be full of love n happiness 
I’m so sorry.. I know how hard it is to lose the relationship with a parent.. my grandmother raised me until my mother got custody of me.. she was married to a mean drunk.. it was so bad.. the man raped me and I was finally able to go back to my grandmothers but it was never the same.. I loved her but our relationship was different.. I became an alcoholic where I didn’t have to remember all of that.. I’ve been sober now since May 27, 1996..but I still think about drinking.. I’ve since turned my life to the care of God.. God will see you thru..