I destroyed the best relationship I’ve ever had due to my uncontrolled binge drinking. I got black out drunk, some guy apparently came up to me in a club and out of nowhere kissed me. I just let it happen for a few seconds and I’m not sure how it got broken up, but my boyfriend saw the whole thing. Then my boyfriend and I were fighting and I was almost arrested for disorderly conduct. I can’t remember any of this occurring. The next day my boyfriend broke up with me and I’m really devastated. I’m not sure if complete abstinence or in time if I’m able to drink in moderation will be alright, but usually once I start drinking and reach a certain level of drunkenness, I can’t stop. I’m trying to get into treatment and plan to be sober for at least 30 days. Any advice? I know pretty much everyone on here is committed to total sobriety, and I’m not sure if I want that, I just know I’m determined to never get drunk to the point of a blackout again.
It's that whole rock bottom thing. Because I'm an idiot won't throw everyone under the bus. You have to hit the bottom before you know you have to start climbing back up.
I do think this was the shock I didn’t know I needed to attempt to get better
I’m not sure if you will be able to drink again because maybe you will but I can tell you that my story is very similar to yours. I was a binge black out drinker and made very poor choices when I was in that state of mind. I got two years of sobriety under my belt and thought I could go back out there and within no time I was back to where I started with bingeing and blacking out. So for me personally I can’t drink and that’s ok. I hope you know that regardless of your mistakes they do not define you
I am a retired blackout artist. You need to read the book Alcohol Explained by William Porter. It will help understand why you can't drink and how alcohol keeps you drinking. Reach out anytime
When I stoped drinking a month ago I decided ‘forever’ is just too much to stomach for the moment. From what I read it takes at least three month of sobriety to really get any benefits, and a year is even better. So I decided to give it a year for now, then I’ll take stock.
Might I suggest Annie Grace's 30 day alcohol free experiment? If you're "not sure" it is a great place to start and you'll learn so much if you do the daily work. I have found most people after 30 days at least have a greater understanding of what alcohol does and doesn't do. It expels those myths we carry about why we drink. It was a life changer for me. No matter what you do or decide...I wish you the very best.
None of us want to totally quit alcohol forever. We have to. But that’s part of the lie’s your brain tells you to keep you drinking. That’s why they say “one day at a time” stay sober for today. Get a program. And read. Read. Read. About alcoholism. It took me 20 plus years to get sober because I could t fathom not ever drinking again. I thought I could train myself to drink like a normal person... I’m not saying that’s everyone but more than likely (a lot more) if you binge drink and black out you won’t ever be able to drink like a “normal” person. You can live a very fun, beautiful and successful life without alcohol. Im 5 months sober.
If you don't think of it as " I can't drink, therefore I can' t enjoy myself and let loose and have fun." Which isn't necessarily true to begin with. Think of it as " I have this physical limitation that causes me to blackout when I drink alcohol and due stupid dangerous things." I have a friend whose body can't process alcohol so he has to do other things for fun, and one of the happiest persons I know. We go fishing together in his boat off the kelp beds. It helps to start hanging out with groups of people who don't drink that do fun things. You don't have to ditch your old friends. It's also a good way to discover who your real friends are and who you only associate with because they drink too.
I'm in a sober living now. I've been here about 6 months and I've been hanging out with an older British fellow whose actually been in prison due to his drinking and driving last week we met up with some of his friends we play bocce ball with for salsa dancing in little Italy. I'd never played bocce ball before I met him and I'd never been salsa dancing. So lately I've been living a fuller richer life not drinking.
I'm in San Diego if anybody ever wants to go out and do something non alcoholic.
I just lost my love of 6 years due to drinking. She gave me so many chances. I just seemed to get worse. I did crazy things blacked out and I don't want to hurt anyone or myself. I've tried to moderate. I've tried just drinking beer. But once I have those few beers it didn't keep me from running to the liquor store. It's usually cold turkey or bust. I can say from experience. Good luck 
Go to an aa meeting - ask for a first step meeting - all the stories you hear will convince you - you can’t drink in moderation - maybe for a night, maybe for a month - but eventually it is likely to spiral downwards to drinking heavily every night. Alcohol? Cunning, baffling , powerful.
Ahhh, black out drunk on a regular basis sounds like a problem for sure. Never met a person yet that had black outs that could drink in moderation. You either want a sober life or you don’t. No in between. Sorry.
At some point some of us are given the gift of desperation.
Has it reached the point where alcohol is not doing things for you, but doing things to you?
Seriously listen to this link. It will help you to diagnose yourself. It’s worth the time.
Theres no such thing as halfway pregnant..all ill say get to a meeting! U have to have the desire..i once heard when u pick up bottle does trouble follow u well has it? only u know but it dont sound too good..Living the easier softer way and not being in denial is much better..trust me!!
I haven’t had a drink for 620 days. And I’m not going to have one today. I can’t say for sure about tomorrow, but today, just for today, I choose to stay sober.
Well spoken