I didn't give up. I'd rather just face what is too come. I can understand why I spent the time I did numb. When everyone who is supposed to love you hurts you. Why the he'll would you want to deal with it. When you try real hard and the wheels don't spin. Then Their is no point. I just don't wa t to die a. Addict death.
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Cant control other people or how they act.
But you can control how you act. Just focus on yourself. Learn to love yourself and avoid self-sabotage.
You cant expect people to love or treat you right if you cant do that for yourself.
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Maybe the other people you expect to love you are also facing their own life issues, or are judging from a space of ignorance. Believe in yourself and stay focused on YOU. Love yourself first baby 
!
Problem is I don't. And those people have been. Facing issues for that long hmm. Nope their pieces of s!%t.
I mean you would think I would know them. I'm not an ignorant child. You should no better than to pry into someone's family business. Your acting like I'm feeling irrational. And that is why I can't stand the recovery community. Because some moron like your self has to open up their mouth and f$%k with my day. Just because you have issues does not mean you can't show love to your family. Or maybe your shady like that idk. But your way of thinking is border line stupid. Hope you have a wonderful day. Let me gues your probably a recovering drunk. Typical insensitive drunk. That yes everybody still can't stand at the family reunions.
I mean, this is the most compassionate and loving of supportive ways when I say this:
You need to pull your head out of that stinking thinking .
Your words are words that I recognize as depression and lack of belief in one’s own self . I recognized him because I struggled with them for decades.
There is one solution : put the thinking down and walk away from it. Are you in control of your life or are you letting your thoughts and emotions run you around controlling you? There are people around you that will give you the scale and experience that you need to be in control. Once in control, you will have the power not some passing visitor of a feeling.
Everything that you’re thinking up there you need to push it out of your head and if that means filling your head with a bunch of recovery, so be it .
You’re going to face what’s coming either way, but are you going to do it sticking up for yourself and fighting for your life or are you going to do it watching your own demise into death?
Your depression wants you to die. Your addiction wants to kill you.
Whether you live or die, depends on whether or not, you’re willing to get rid of your stinking, thinking, even if it takes years to do it
Thanks Grant.
I was suggesting their ignorance, not yours.
So I will not try to be supportive of you again, because I see my words were not helpful for you. I’ll just wish you good things and will stay out of posting anything to you.
You shouldn’t allow yourself the prerogative of being mean to people who are trying to be supportive of you. So no thanks, and that is that. I don’t need your meanness to reach into my life either.
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I hear you. It's not easy. I feel like I am stuck. Haven't got loaded so that is positive. I am surrounded by nothing but negativity. It's hard. Your right thow I'm tired of spinning the wheels.
I truly wish it was just thinking. You should see what. My sister just sent me. I'm not unique and everybody has issues. I just do not have love or support and I'm not changing putting myself out their to get taken advantage off.