I don’t know what else to do. Whenever I drink, I drink to get drunk and every time I drink, nothing good comes out of it and every week I’m telling my spouse I’m done drinking but it never works out. I want to complete be done drinking and not give in but I can’t. I’m a mom, I work and I’m in school so I’m not able to attend any AA meeting unless it’s through zoom or something but I feel my spouse is getting so close to be done with me and I don’t want that. I want to be a better self for myself and be free and okay sober and I don’t want to push him away. I need help to not give in
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It has been said - and I found it to be 100% true - that whatever we put in front of our recovery, we lose. I was “too busy” to go to meetings. Job, family - I lost both because I did not put my recovery first. You may need to re-prioritize. Those AA meetings need to be #1 in your life - everything else needs to fit around the meetings. Sorry, but I hate to see another disaster.
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Meetings are one hour and they are all over the place. If you are making time to drink and deal with the consequences, you probably can make time for a meeting.
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Too busy to work a sobriety program, huh? Would you make free time if you had to go for chemo treatment or kidney dialysis to save your life? You may want to reconsider your priorities, too. Whatever you put in front of your sobriety you will lose. This disease is suicide on the installment plan. It gets worse, never better.
If you're willing to go to any length, there is a solution.
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Hey Kayla! Sorry to hear you are struggling. Most of us have been in similar situations that you are currently in. Knowing that we have a problem, but not being able to control it is very demoralizing. It feels as if we are our own worst enemy. We are self sabotaging our entire lives. It sucks! For the majority of us who are sober today, we had to admit defeat and find a solution. For most of us this included a daily program such as AA. The replies above are from great guys who have walked this path. It does take sacrifice. However, it is our experience that it is well worth it. In many cases our lives have completely turned around. I hope and pay you find the time to take care of yourself now. From our experience, it only gets worse if you continue your old ways. All the best …
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Zoom meetings can be great too! I have done meetings that are in Syracuse where my friend lives and I’m in Florida. That’s the beauty of the internet. You can always reach out. No one understands alcoholics but another alcoholic. We can’t moderate. It’s a waste of time and energy. Just don’t pick up at all! We are powerless over alcohol! You can do it. Do it for yourself first and foremost. There is lots of support out there for you but you have to be willing to do it. The urge won’t magically just go away because you wish it would. We all know what you’re going through. Dig deep and do it. You will be glad you did 
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Hi Kayla-I’m a mom too. I was there too. Every time I drink-I couldn’t stop until I was way far in (4/5 drinks). I was hung over the next day and then it started all over again. All through my 40’s-it wasn’t fun. I think I just got tired of being sick more hours than being drunk. I’m 2 months now and I feel healthy every day-no more hang overs. Are you drinking with friends and find it hard to drink non-alcohol drinks? I get it. I attended the neighborhood Bunco events and tried to be the only “non-drinker” but I would flip to peer pressure or maybe embarrassment.
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Some thing needs to give in.your health or not.make time for meetings.they are one hour.keep it up you will lose him.change!!!!!!