I don’t know where to begin. I KNOW I drink to “deal” with struggles in my marriage, past hurt and trauma, and because I’m addicted. I just can’t seem to stop. I had a few good years, but now I’m drinking every day. My husband drinks every day. I know he has his own skeletons, but that’s not my focus. It’s just harder to NOT drink when I’m living with another addict.
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Hi Kim
Wow, I do know how hard it is to stay sober when hubby is drinking ! !my husband drinks a few beers every night. I don’t really think he’s an alcoholic. I’m the one that got out of control. But I drank the hard stuff. Cheap vodka!
It took me years to stay sober, and now I’ve been sober longer than I drank. Everyone in my family drinks, some alcoholics/addicts, some not. Maybe I’m being narcissistic and enabling, ..I’m not quite sure..but being around family while they’re drinking makes me feel better about myself. I don’t look down upon them, but I feel strong..not drinking while they’re partying it up. 
….I also find them fun..until they’re not..then I remove myself.
But getting back to your point.. I l ow it’s hard , especially if your spouse may encourage it, or just doesn’t care if you do, or maybe wants you to so he doesn’t have to face his own addiction??
Oh, and the struggles are still there on the marriage because when he does imbide a little too much, and I avoid him, where does that get us!?
I have no answers or advice for you as of now. Just know that I definitely can relate!
Friend me if you like and we can talk some more!
Luck, love and light to you!
Chelle:star2:
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Kim, you just did the first thing one can do, that’s admit they have a drinking problem. Now the next steps are crucial to a successful recovery. Find a zoom meeting, or an in person meeting. Preferably, AA but the choice is yours. Www.aa.org. Listen for the message at the meetings. Get some of the literature and AA big book. Read it. Find a sponsor who can take you through the steps. Focus on your self. I have this rule that I was taught, take a Hula hoop and place it around your waist. Now drop it straight to the ground. The area inside the hula hoop is the only thing you can control from this point moving forward. Everything outside of this area is now out of our control. Ever since I heard this I’m able to stay in my lane.
If Working the steps aren’t enough to help deal with trauma then it maybe necessary to obtain a licensed psychologist. Sponsors are not therapists. They are to guide and teach you the Steps of AA, Alcoholics Anonymous. Keep your head up. You’ve completed step one already. Take the next step… have a wonderful day filled with love and peace within.
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Hey Kim, have you thought about getting into a medical detox facility. I just did that and it really helped me get through the withdrawal. They had experts there to help and they referred me for further treatment and coordinated with them to come get me. They really helped me a lot
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If I felt like I could step away from my family to take care of myself without hurting them, I’d do it in a heartbeat. My husband works ALOT and travels for work. We have three kids, two still in k-12 schools that rely on me for just about everything. Maybe I’m fooling myself, but I don’t think my family could adjust to me being gone for more than a couple days. Once school starts, it would be even more of a challenge. I haven’t dismissed the idea, it’s just a last resort right now.
I get what you're saying. I don't have kids myself but I've heard a lot of other people in rehab share about their struggle with having to be away from their families. At risk of sounding cliche, counselors often say this: when you're on an airplane they always say to put the oxygen mask on yourself first before you put them on your children. Ño pressure, just food for thought. Do your best, I'm rooting for you Kim!
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This can be tough, keep taking care of yourself Kim and you reaching out for support!
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I’m going to offer a counter perspective. Your struggles and drinking could be two different things. Alcoholism makes you invent reasons to feed it, so you think you’re drinking to deal but it’s a trick. If you quit you’ll have more time to deal with your struggles though, which could be good. Just a thought.
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The adage you can't help someone before you help yourself is absolutely true.
It took me some time to separate drinking and partying. They don't have to go together. AA works for me. Going to meetings gives me my out with people who understand.
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