I’m coming off a relapse after being clean and sober for 14 months. My inner dialogue is destroying me and it’s something that I have dealt with for many years. It almost feels like something outside myself given the pure evil it constantly bombards me with. It’s like I’m 2 people. One is caring, kind, and empathetic the other is nasty, paranoid and evil. I don’t know what to do anymore. I tried to commit a suicide by cop yesterday at work. I had panned the whole thing and it was In motion. The cops came, I had my hand on my knife ready to do it, I looked around noticing co workers and customers in the area and decided I didn’t want to put anyone else at risk. I told my PO about my relapse and have to see him later today. I am going to be honest about everything and ask for help.
Good deal. Be honest
You’re here, and that matters. Please reach out when you feel yourself subbing into these thoughts again. You can call or text 988 for support . You don’t have to fight this alone. I’m really proud of you for being honest. Keep going and please let someone close to you know how you’re feeling.
Your feelings are valid, and it’s really good to hear we didn’t lose another warrior to this disease. You have done this before, so you know it’s possible. Thank you for communicating this and reminding me of just how cunning this can be. I truly hope you keep fighting the good fight. Your honesty and courage are inspirational.
Jeremy these 2 sides of you that you acknowledge are fighting for your life! Stay with the light which comes with Sobriety. Please stay with us and keep posting, reaching out, and being honest. That's the 1st step. It won't be easy but it will be worth it
We get to feeling like we're alone in our hurt. You are not. It's great that you're reaching out and your honesty is brutal✅ I always go to a hospital when I get down on myself. There's always something better.
I always find that when I pray to my HP it works out the way it should.
Praying for you to have a good day
Just coming to check in to see how you’re doing?
Hi Crissy,
I’m doing ok. Surprisingly I didn’t end up in jail. My PO reamed me out and gave me a new appt. I struggle with my sobriety because I don’t know how to forgive myself for some of the things I’ve done. I abandoned my wife and child, didn’t treat people well, stole, lied you name it. I sometimes feel like I don’t deserve treatment or a chance to be better.