I don't enjoy the life anymore and I want something different i have some medical stuff I need to take care of i have plans to go into a residential treatment program on a farm
Im really looking forward to that. But I'm just drifting along wanting to stop but not really holding myself to it and it could prevent me from being able to go to this place i want to go. What brothers me the most its like I don't have any feelings either way. Im finding it hard to get my medical stuff taken care even though I'm am experiencing pain and not taking anything for it. Its just like o well to everything
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Ed, I felt very similar. I realized it is/was my addiction that caused my indifference or depression.
Stay the course! I had to override my self destructive tendencies and make myself do the actions that serve me.
I’m here if you want to talk
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I felt the same. I didn't feel much. When I stopped drinking, my anxiety went away my depressive bouts kind of dissapeared and I am able to put my energy into myself and healing my soul.
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I strongly recommend going to AA, all it takes is a desire and you sound ready. If you want it enough keep going back. It really helps. Took me a while to realize the truth about myself and my addiction then one day after many meetings it clicked and I gave in. I’m 110 days in and those similar feelings you have slowly slip away, still working at it but it’s getting better and life’s getting more manageable. Good luck 
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That’s ok. Just fake it till you make it. Get to treatment and keep an open mind.
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Talk to your doctor, what you put off now you might wish you did later on if it takes away from your time at treatment
Treatment on a farm would be so nice
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What do you remember enjoying in the past?
The sad thing is I have live off other people's emotions for so long.
If I'm able to make them happy I think I'm happy. It's just a mask that I ware to convince others everything is ok.
I have been trying to find some thing that will allow me to feel happy. I find myself looking for someone to help so I stop focusing on myself or I go looking for my d.o.c
I can't tell you when I felts comfortable in my own skin
You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.