I don't even know where to begin but first the truth. I have relapsed. In the past, I would get all kind of guilty and feeling all kind of sorry for myself.
What a waste of time and a total let down when I thought I was defeated.
It's apart of the process of healing. Especially, when I and many peeps in recovery are finally having a feeling to feel.
Sometimes, what we face from with in is utterly unbearable. It's tempting the grounds of standing in sobriety and then ready to use.
I've been in, out, around, on top of recovery for dam near awhile.
I beat myself up because I failed. I had years or days of recovery and I chose to pick up.
This is not a race or a comparison of who fails or makes it. It's life in recovery. For me it was the moment I could actually acknowledge I am human.
Every relapse came with a new pain or hurt I was about to face. Oh, cow dung I have to look at more of myself and tackle a new level of myself that I don't want to see or acknowledge because I'm to special for that.
Forget about being liars to the ones we say we love. I lied to myself and cared no less for anyone else.
No wonder I keep using because I hate feeling and let alone being honest to myself much less others.
This is a journey into ourselves. This is not a journey into living up to our loved ones expectations.
I use to want to get sober to have my family back in my good graces or to have nice things again and or money. I got it back alright and list it just as fast.
I had to quit being hard on me and using this excuse to go back.
I am sharing because I care for others and the struggles associated with this obsession.
It's hard living with me just ask me and I will tell you.
I completely understand Frank! There’s so many words of advice out there for this. My best is, NEVER NEVER NEVER GIVE UP! You will make it!
I appreciate your kind words.
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