I don't know how to socialize sober. I'm new in recovery again, 43 days sober, and I'm extremely uncomfortable in my skin. My home group members make me feel welcome and loved but I still feel very uncomfortable and out of place socializing. I'm very shy, reserved, and quiet the majority of the time around other people in recovery and that is NOT ME lol. So I'm in here to try to expand my sober network and help me relearn how to communicate and socialize soberly. If anybody has suggestions on how else to work on this or just add me to chat it up it'd be greatly appreciated!
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I feel you! I’m 72 days sober. It seems to get a little better every day ( I think that is the brain slowly healing). Going to my first concert being sober Saturday…. Should be very different. Good luck.
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Thanks for getting vulnerable, Geoffrey. One thing that a lot of old timers talk about is showing up 20 mins early to a meeting and staying 20 mins late if you can. You don’t even need to approach people because if you do that, they will approach you and start a conversation. Good luck!
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Dude I’m still struggling with this too
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I feel this too. Hint, get to meetings super early and post up with an old timer, then everyone will come to you to shake hands. It helps!
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Good luck to you as well brother have fun at the concert and stay sober!
Yeah that's good advice, I do this already and it's not lack of trying from others I'm just a terrible conversationalist right now for some reason
For sure it helps, it's not like everyone is ignoring me I get lots of hugs and handshakes, I'm just having trouble engaging and continuing conversations
it’s hard to be social when you take the lubricant away. haven’t figured out the trick yet, i just made being a loner fun
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It's awkward as f*******k lol but for me the alternative is hanging around people that are drinking and using and I can't do that, well I could, but I won't do that cause Imma get high and go right back to being miserable. I've done it too many times. I know it's awkward and uncomfortable, but I'm right there with you brother and Imma stick it out cause the program is keeping me clean. I hope you do too brother one love you're not alone
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Truuuuuuuu. Yeah I have to learn how to be alone and be comfortable too, isolating and having no connections to other recovering people will lead me straight to a relapse though. I've tried recovery by myself, it doesn't work for me
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Practice! I'm feeling much better with it now, but in the beginning it was super hard for me. Now I have a small group I run with and that makes it easier. Ask to make the coffee at your favorite meeting.
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It will get better. I can’t say I have any tips but I’m coming up on 6 months soon and I’m just now starting to feel like I can hold normal conversations. Just trust the process.
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I’ve felt the same for a long time, but it’s only been recently that I’ve been able to open up about my social anxieties. Being on the sober path has helped me more comfortable with me, and part of me is not being comfortable in social situations, and as the saying goes, that’s OK. That acceptance has helped me a lot, and I feel better if I’m in new social situations when I know that it’s ok for me to be me, and if I don’t want to be a chatty Kathy, that’s ok.
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All good advice above. I believe a lot of us in recovery have the same difficulty. For me, being shy and insecure kept me drinking to be “normal” way too long. I’m working to accept that’s just part of my personality. I’m shy. It’s ok. Socially now I try to ask questions and let others do the talking. I’m sober six months. It does get easier. Give yourself some grace 
and b patient. Best of luck!
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Social anxiety! I had it, too!
Awareness, Acceptance, Action!
Start sharing in the meeting to get your voice back. I found it built my self-esteem and self-confidence. It also allowed people to connect with what I said…and me!!
And asking lots of questions of the person you’re talking with gets the focus off of you (ego) and really engaged in getting to know someone! I approach someone whose shares I like! Law of Attraction! Then you have an interest in common…and probably more.
I also found the second I share with someone that I’m feeling anxious, just like you’re doing here, it takes the anxiety away! Not only because you just acknowledged your feeling, but the person in recovery will validate you. We in recovery are trying to reclaim our feelings that have been stuffed down with drugs and alcohol!
It’s good these feelings are coming up! Last, focus on your breathing! A technique is the four count: breathing through your nose for a count of four, hold for four, breathing out your mouth for four, and holding for four,…repeat for just 30 seconds or more. It calms the nervous system.
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I completely understand that. I also am lost on how to start doing things normal people do.
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I am 20 months and still struggle with that. All I did with my crew was drink drink. So to be honest. I had to stop seeing most of them especially family. So very lonely - a lot of drinking in my family. I have family members not talking to me because of it
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The first thing helped me was to not hide from my sobriety but also not just spill the beans about it. Go out, see your friends and co workers. And just tell them up front and BLUNT, hey I'm not drinking anymore. I'm good, I'm here to be with you, help me get healthy. They don't need to know if it's dependency, trouble or whatever. My circle that wouldn't drop the 20 questions I told them straight up that I needed to get clean and healthy and if all they had was questions and drama that I was out. It stopped, and there was plenty of support. Don't try and hide too much or it will be tough on your entire circle. Head high, shoulders back, and stay strong friend.