I don't know what I'm doing

Recovery
#1

I have 43 years in addiction and 20 years locked up
I'm a little over a year clean and sober I have a sponsor and I am working the steps I go to meetings
I'm being my true self for the first time in my life and went to a round up over the weekend there was so many people there I felt so uncomfortable my other half was unable to enjoy her self because of it so I ruined her weekend and you know that cause problems. Now I sit here thinking she would be better off without me in her life and I'm not going to go in to the thought's about myself
I hate who I am and the pain and hurt I'm causing other people I feel like I can't be who I am I feel that I am unlovable and I will cause nothing but pain and suffering the rest of my life

5 Likes
#2

What is best for you not the other way around. Don’t focus on other people’s happiness, continue to focus on your happiness and learn your new life alcohol and drug free.

4 Likes
#3

You have a sponsor and working the steps, that is absolutely amazing!
Years I worked in my addiction to the point I had enough. It’s going to take time climbing out. I had to learn a few things:

  1. Stay the course with the Fellowship and the Program. When my emotions tried to drag me back into the hole, I had a sponsor help me redirect my attention on the solution, and a fellowship that reminded me I’m not alone and it WORKS!
  2. I had to learn to be patient with myself. I want it NOW, that’s my addiction. The timing is always perfect in the solution.
  3. Every day I don’t use is a huge victory, now reach out to someone else struggling and share we can do this together! Some of my most reassuring moments were with others around my sobriety age, lifting each other up!!!
    You are absolutely worth it, God said so!!!
1 Like
#4

You spent 20 years locked up. Give it time to adjust to the outs again. Attempt to try not to beat yourself up. Just give it time and try to have people meet you at emotionally where you are if able and find common ground with others. It takes time not to feel like you don't have to feel on edge around other humans. Keep on getting to know yourself and know what others may need and adjust as needed. May you find what you are looking for and stay safe.

1 Like
#5

Sounds like you have a heavy heart. The people who love you just want to see you happy. The best thing you can do for them is to look out for yourself. Remember why you like you and feed that part of yourself. Do it for YOU!

1 Like
#6

Thank you

#7

Thank you .

#8

Thank you all

#9

I appreciate it

#10

Focus on you first, give yourself mercy and forgive yourself for who you were in active addiction. You need to let that go so you have room to feel the love for yourself. You are very brave for getting sober and YOU MATTER!!!