I don't know who i am anymore i partied super hard for too long now it's caught me. Liver failure throwing up blood of biblical proportions. Trying to not drink when everyone is enjoying it around me makes me go nuts...
Ken, I pray you are going to be ok🙏. I was the hardest drinker amongst some pretty extreme alcoholics. I too was throwing up blood and was told by the doctor to get my affairs in order.
That was over 15 years ago.
I got real serious about my sobriety and went to 3 meetings daily for way over a year. I worked with several sponsors and did the 12 steps multiple times.
Fast forward to now and I still work the steps with sponsee’s.
Sometimes I don’t know why or how I’m still alive. I guess I was spared to help others and enjoy what remaining time I have.
I’m here if you want to talk.
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I am so sorry that you are struggling with so many issues going on I imagine you must be at wits end at times they teach you about finding positives and being here is a big positive I know it’s difficult but you truly are power of example keep going keep fighting you have this your worth it I hope that you have a blessed day 
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I have 6 years no alcohol or drugs and it's still hard for me to be around it and stay clean and sober . There's an AA saying "if you hang around a barbershop long enough you will get haircut" change your people places and things. Don't tempt yourself by being around it and pray lots of prayers that will help tremendously
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