I guess I would like to speak with someone that can help me come back to earth and understand. I put myself so far out there and it is so difficult for me to be in touch with my own reality or any reality for that matter. Does that make sense?
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That's okay! Unfortunately relapse is a part of most of our path to recovery, you just have to get back up, dust yourself off, and try again.. keep talking about it, keep focused, remember that not everyday is going to be a great day, life is full of ups and downs, it is all about how you react to those ups and downs, we can't control the things that happen to us.. just our reactions.. I and everyone else on here is here for you if you need to talk.. you can do this!
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I think my biggest problem is that I don’t speak with anyone about it at all. I feel like it relies upon mean like all of the blame is upon me I cannot communicate with others about it because that’s not fair to other people. Does that make sense?
It makes perfect sense. I felt much the same way. Depression and disassociation became the norm. Nothing seemed real. Literally.
I won’t get to into my own lowest point but it was a very dark and lonely place. I didn’t think anyone understood me or how I perceived the world.
I committed to staying sober by going to meetings.
90 meetings in 90 days. I shared every meeting and when I couldn’t I just expressed gratitude and would pass.
In time I started to see things differently and realized that I wasn’t alone and that in fact there were many people who had similar experiences. Maybe not exact but close enough that I could start making connections.
You’re worth it. I used this app often. Read from the book and I found people I could talk to everyday.
If you’re an addict like me your’re resourceful. You’re a survivor. I accept that I’m an alcoholic addict and I’m grateful for it. The choices I made as addict led me to the rooms of recovery. My life is exponentially better than it has ever been. Days can be hard. Sometimes it seems impossible but if I am honest with myself I’m living my best life.
I’m only 16 months into this but everyday I find something to be grateful for I try to find someone to help. Whether it’s another addict, a stranger, a friend, or a family member I try to do something selfless everyday.
I wish you the best. You’re worth it. You really are.
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Can I speak with you then? I’m feeling pretty crappy right now
I feel like I need to speak with someone because I don’t ever speak with anyone. Does that make sense?
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Very well said. I really needed to hear this today, especially the part about not feeling understood.
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Hello Jennifer: I’m not an “expert,” but I have found that going to meetings really, really helps. And you don’t have to be sober/clean to attend. Personally, I’ve relapsed hundreds of times, but by going to meetings and asking for help I have finally found recovery. Last month was 5 years clean and sober! I don’t want to sound like I’m bragging, but going to meetings really works for me. Glad that you’re here.
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In my experience most dont understand or feign understanding and that’s ok. Through practice, whether therapy, a religious outlet, support groups or whatever your pleasure is…you will understand yourself better and be better able to convey that to people all the while not caring if they understand or not. Bam 
Namaste 
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Don’t be sorry, and don’t be too hard on yourself! You don’t have the tools yet and I failed at this many times before I was willing to do anything to quit. Many of us understand, you are not alone, just try to continue to reach out, your mind will tell you a lot of bs, try not to listen.
I have not picked up and I have had a similar experience as you describe
I just keep going to meetings and raise my hand to contribute what I can.
I hope you are doing better today Jennifer and that you went to a meeting and talked with someone who’s like you, like us.
And why do you think you picked up a drink? Because you believed the big lie; that this time, everything would be okay. But it wasn't, was it? Now you have more shame to carry around knowing that you accomplished absolutely nothing. And you have to start all over again. In Alcoholics Anonymous we call this the Insidious cycle of insanity.
We have to learn to play the scene forward. You may feel some relief for a short period of time but sooner or later you're going to be right back where you started like you are right now.
Also, you're going to hear a lot of different input on this app. Everybody's always looking for some sort of alternative to Alcoholics Anonymous these days and I'm not really sure why. All I can tell you is that's where I got sober at and I haven't looked back in almost 9 years.
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path.
AA works if you follow the suggested directions. If you don't, it won't.
Doing much better, thank you so much for all of the support! I’ve been sober for almost 2 months now, and definitely have a much clear view of things. I will most definitely reach out next time I feel like I might slip. Thanks again!
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I sent you a friend request. If you want to chat I can talk to you tomorrow.
Yes and it’s fine to take awhile beginning because it will help you get to a solution with less waste
Believe in yourself,stay strong one day at a time. That’s all we can do. Stay blessed
You are using a valuable tool right now in reaching out to this community. Connectivity is key!