I enjoy drinking. I dont enjoy the control it has over me. I finally admitted I dont want to stop. The problem is I need to. Why cant I simply have some self control in all that i enjoy? 
Because we were born different. But in all honesty it comes down to do I wanna keep gambling with my life and livelihood if that’s any answers yes than so be it I don’t judge but if it’s no I still don’t judge but you are really going to have to work a real honest and rigorous program of recovery. Some of us don’t get back to recovery. It’s just the truth.
What you just described is actually the definition of addiction - it's not a willpower problem, it's that alcohol physically changes the way your brain works over time. The part of your brain responsible for control gets hijacked, so the fact that you can't just moderate isn't a character flaw, it's biology. The honesty you just showed though, admitting you don't want to stop but know you need to, that's actually a really big deal and harder than it sounds. A lot of people never get there. The fact that you did means you're closer than you think.