Day two of being sober. I went for almost 2 years before. I was the healthiest and happiest sober. I want to find my way back to that but I keep finding myself in another drink. It’s so hard to be sober but it’s also so hard to keep drinking and wasting my life. I kissed a married man( not the best looking either) and I feel horrible. I was too drunk. The other guy wanted to hang out too but I would rather kiss his baby mama to prove a point. It was smart. Anyway I feel gross and I hope this is bottom enough for me. I used to have so much self control and be determined. Idk how to get back but I am ready for the work. It’s so hard to be honest with myself. I think I lie to myself the most.
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You’re on the right path. Keep on trucking! Get those two years back and just keep moving forward! I believe in you!!
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I went a year and a half without drinking when I had my kid but I think I was more of a dry drunk. Not ready then. So it’s been like 4 years since I was sober.
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Welcome. You can do this. Try getting into some sort of a recovery program either in person locally or zoom. Keep sharing. This being here is a great start. Lots of positivity to latch onto. A lot of strong ladies you can gather support from. Keep hangin
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I understand where you are. My behavior has not been very deserving of a gold star to say the least. I've done a lot of things I regret while under the influence, like kissing a married man. Don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing well with paying attention to your actions when you consume alcohol which is I think is part of the process. Most ppl wake up and chalk it up as "one of those nights" and move on. I've noticed that when we want to take a step into sobriety, we start really focusing on our behavior and what we say when we are drinking. This helps us to identify reasons why we are making the decision to quit. Going through the emotions are tough but don't unpack and live there. Those actions do not define who you really are. I have learned so much about myself that I now realize those unfavorable actions while drinking were really suppressed emotions I wasn't dealing so I was able to turn a negative into a positive. Now I can start to heal wounds I thought were gone. Keep giving it your best. I relapsed yesterday after 24 days but I know beating myself up is not the answer. I did learn something; my weakness in this journey is boredom. Everyday presents opportunities and you have to be willing to look for them. Don't give up! I'm here to chat if you need!
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We all do crazy things when we drink. One of the reasons that alcoholics keep on drinking is because they are suffering from an obsession. It's very hard in the beginning but it can be done. I'd like to pass something on to you that comes from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. When I read this with a desire to figure me out, it hit me like an atom bomb. It comes from a part in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous called The Doctor's Opinion.
"Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one. They are RESTLESS, IRRITABLE AND DISCONTENTED unless they can again experience the sense of ease and comfort which comes at once by taking a few drinks—drinks which they see others taking with impunity. After they have succumbed to the desire again, as so many do, and the phenomenon of craving develops, they pass through the well-known stages of a spree, emerging remorseful, with a firm resolution not to drink again. This is repeated over and over, and unless this person can experience an entire psychic change there is very little hope of his recovery.”
Ask me if you want to know how to get that psychic change.
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You'll get there, One day at a time. Walk, don't run. You got this.
Thank you for responding. 24 days sounds like a blessing to get to. Im glad your able to get back into the mindset. I’m hoping this is the chance to get my feet on the ground. I made an appointment to get the shot to help with the cravings. Today I kinda woke up angry and I’m trying not to project that on to anyone. One day at a time. I am realizing writing this that I would get angry so that I could justify having a drink later because I need to “relax” when I just need to feel it and let it go. Wow.
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How?
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We all lie to ourselves, it’s part of the disease and actually I think it’s part of being human! But if you can see it for what it is and stand on it and desire to do better, then you’re doing the right thing and you just gotta breathe. Sometimes it’s an hour at a time. Hang in there, you know how to do this and you know you want it! So pause and just remember tomorrow is a new 24 hours, and you got this!
Oh I felt like stir fried 
at the beginning. I remember sitting in beginner meetings and talking about how I felt like an outsider in my own life. It gets better.
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This journey helps you to meet yourself for the first time. This has been my experience. I'm learning more about myself every day. I hope you take the time to do just that so you know how to heal and grow. I believe in you! One day at a time. Try to always be present in the now. It helps.
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Start going to AA meetings, get yourself a sponsor that will take you through the steps. Get a copy of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and start to read it. The 12 steps of Alcoholics are anonymous is in and of itself the program. This is what will bring the psychic change that is talked about in the doctor's opinion.
You can go to some meetings for a while and try to find a female sponsor who doesn't just talk the talk but actually walks the walk. Go to lots of different meetings and different places until you can find someone that will help you begin your new Journey.
They read "How it Works at all of the meetings. And it states in the first paragraph,
Rarely have we seen a person fail who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who don't recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program.
Usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such unfortunates. They are not at fault. They seem to have been born that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing a matter of living which requires rigorous honesty.
Please let me know if there's anything else I can do to help you. I've been around this thing a long time and I have over 8 years this time around. I had almost 9 years at one time but I screwed up and it cost me about 3 years. And before that nearly 9 year length of sobriety I spent years in and out of the program trying to do it my way. Once I sat down all the way and started doing what was suggested my life began to change.
Also
Here's a link for an app to help you find meetings. For Apple or Android.
Great app!